Crazy Ass Bear

Waking Up The Majority

2012-02-05T02:19:00.000-08:00

For most of my adult life I've made no secret of my atheism. I came to it honestly by being someone who prefers to do my own thinking, and who has a healthy disdain for those who set themselves up as the filters for someone else's life experiences.

I've never tried to convert others to atheism because I don't need to. I'm satisfied with it. It completes me and gives me a moral and ethical base that is not dependent on anything outside of myself. I don't have religion as an excuse so I have to answer to myself, to that person in the mirror who asks, can you live with the consequences of your actions?

Before I act, I'm always aware I have to answer not only to myself, but also to the people I love and cherish who would be hurt by my actions or who would feel unloved or unappreciated or wronged by them. In place of the bible, I have kindness, I have compassion, I have love, and I have a never ending quest to be the most unselfish, more caring person I can possibly be before I leave this life. I aspire to be good not for a god or for a religion, but because I see that as an admirable goal to accomplish as a human being.

As an atheist, I can't run to a preacher to beg forgiveness so I have to draw on my personal knowledge of right and wrong, and like every creature on this planet, those experiences were learned and stored from material specific to us and who we are, and who we were, and who we will become. Religion takes away the immediacy of those lessons and turns them into excuses. I always felt it was important to keep them close at hand so they would be available when needed.

With all the information and knowledge I've accumulated in my lifetime, there's plenty to draw from in order to resolve just about any human dilemma I'm faced with, so I don't need to sit in a church and have someone use those experiences to justify their own agenda. I don't need to go knocking on doors, or preach from any pulpits, nor go anywhere to convert supposed savages that are already perfectly content with what they believe or don't believe, and who don't need me interfering in their lives with my personal agenda.

My relationship with religion and its followers has been one of not caring what people believe as long as they didn't try to force it down the throats of others against their will. As an educated person I am informed about the legal right bestowed upon the citizens of this country to freely practice their religion, and also to be free to not practice any religion. And because I actually studied history instead of getting it regurgitated second hand by some pulpit pounder with a political agenda, I know that the worst tyranny a government can inflict on a people is legislating by religion instead of law.

Like many people in this country who were and continue to be perfectly content with our beliefs or lack of them, I became complacent. Because I didn't force my biases, my points of view, my agenda on others, I believed those who were religious would be content with being allowed to practice their beliefs and leave me alone.

Then along came Religion as a political party. Whatever god believers prayed to took second place to the political agenda that grew out an ignorance that saw no other truth but their own, and a cabal of wealthy bankster funded politicians who saw the poorly educated and easily led as a tool to promote their own agenda. It was a lot like herding sheep but at least real sheep occasionally broke out and stampeded once in a while.

But not these sheep. They weren't content to live and let live. They began to demand everyone live according to their beliefs, not even seeing the complete and total stupidity of thinking everyone was just like them. In their world, everyone was just like them. They were all white or all black or all Christian or all some other religion, cultist, or party member. Diversity has and always will be a threat to those who need everyone around them to look and act just the same.

But even seeing this, even seeing the politicians, especially the Republicans, use this to brainwash, scare, and intimidate these easily manipulated sheep-like humans to help them rob the country blind, I was still so content in my own sane world, that I failed to completely see their insanity.

Of course, I fought against the most obvious aspects of it by mocking it, by turning it into a joke, my making it seem like something only a few not right in the head folks would participate in willingly. Religious fanatics make easy targets for just about everyone, and they can be used by other fanatics to murder, maim, and fly planes into buildings for them. I had and will continue to have fun with this side of religious fanaticism.

In spite of the seriousness of religious tyranny throughout history, I still felt the smugness of the majority and tended to ignore the real dimwit bible thumpers as insignificant. I'm still in the majority but after the last week when an organization devoted to women's health suddenly joined the war against women, it's no longer a silent majority. I have a message for the religious crazies who want to force their beliefs on everyone else.

If you crazy religious nutbags want a war, then you have it. I'm not going to sit back and make fun of you anymore without also fighting you every step of the way. I'm going to call every single one of my representatives every time one of you religious crazies try and pass a law interfering with my rights, whether they be rights to determine the fate of my own body, the books I read, the movies I watch, the television shows I choose to let into my living room. No longer will manipulated little minions be the only voices putting pressure on politicians, charities, organizations, schools, libraries, and the media.

I'm on the other side and I will fight you with everything I have because you crossed the line this time. You took over an organization that was meant to save lives and you gave our donations to scum like Ari Fleischer so he could direct you on how to take down Planned Parenthood. And for the record, I don't think he personally has anything against Planned Parenthood. It's the non-existent WMD's he's shoving down your stupid, gullible throats so you'll turn out and vote against Democrats so he and his Republican thugs can start a war with Iran. Yes, you ARE that stupid and he knows it and uses you like an old whore.

But guess what? By being such assholes over Planned Parenthood, you exposed yourselves. Your pretty pink ribbons have shit all over them right now. You ruined a successful and profitable corporate brand with your religious nutbaggery, and all with the advice of a man who helped run this country into the financial ditch. Great job there, Ari. Planned Parenthood will thrive and the Komen foundation will dry up and blow away.

And in case you didn't get the message, there's simply more of us than you. The last few days showed that. The Occupy Wall Street Movement showed that. You woke us up and there's more of us than you. How fucking stupid. And hell yes we're going to use our new found power against you. If your god didn't want us to, he wouldn't have made you so stupid.

Evolution Of The Smartest by godless_heathen
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I don't want a religious fanatic for President...ever!

2012-01-19T01:44:00.000-08:00

No Religious Crap by godless_heathen
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2012-01-17T23:30:00.000-08:00

STOP INTERNET CENSORSHIP

Evolve, you effing morons!

2011-12-27T01:49:00.000-08:00

You know they dumped you on us. Every damn country at some point in time, got sick of your meddling crap and decided to round you and your whack job crazy fellow cult members up and ship you off to America. We don't mind a little crazy here, but this inflexibly insane shit is way too much.

And this whole victim thing. It's the age old whine of the asshole. Treat everyone like shit, kill them if they refuse to join your cults, interfere in their lives and infect their politics with your extreme religious crap, and then wahhhh..claim you don't understand why everyone wants to ship you off to another planet.

And you're such cruel teases. Every few months you get our hopes up with this rapture crap and then we wake up and you're still here. Not even your own gods want to spend eternity with you, so that leaves one option you might consider. Learn to walk upright. It's a lot easier on the knuckles. It's called evolution and it's really catching on in the civilized parts of the country, so you might have to leave places like Texas and most of those humid mosquito breeding ponds you call home if you want to join the party. That way you'll quit dragging everyone else down with your ignorance.

Get Over It by godless_heathen
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Ho Ho Ho, it's day twelve!

2011-12-25T00:11:00.000-08:00

Christmas Hotdog by Crazy_Card_Lady
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War On Christmas, Day Number Eleven

2011-12-23T00:15:00.000-08:00

No War On Christmas is complete without including all the villagers in the fight. Enjoy!

Drink Up Bitches by orsobear
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War On Christmas, Day Number Ten

2011-12-22T01:16:00.000-08:00

By now some of you have reached the family home where the rehashing of festering wounds is served alongside the why haven't you of condemnation, and blissfully topped off with lavish displays of you could have this too if you kissed as many asses as I have, and finally consummated with an overdose of STFU. It's a good thing there's only a couple days left before the countdown begins for the next sentimental, with an emphasis on the mental, family gathering.

Dark Soul Skull by orsobear
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War On Christmas, Day Number Nine

2011-12-21T12:53:00.000-08:00

The real meaning of xmas, no matter what religion or lack of one you have. It always comes down to this.

Christmas Money Tree by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas, Day Number Eight

2011-12-20T02:02:00.000-08:00

May the flying monkeys gift you with a bad attitude and a whole pile of fruitcakes if you don't laugh your ass off at this lovely tribute to the war on christmas.

Flying Skull Monkey by orsobear
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War On Christmas, Day Number Seven

2011-12-19T01:31:00.000-08:00

For many of you, this will be the last couple days of peace before you get thrown into the firepit of holy dysfunctional family festivities. If you think I make war on Christmas, you haven't seen anything because there's really nothing that matches the festering resentments waiting to explode over the holiday supper table. Joy to the World! Fuck yeah! May you survive it in one piece.

Feast of Dysfunction by Crazy_Card_Lady
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War On Christmas, Day Number Six

2011-12-18T01:13:00.000-08:00

Note to the rightwingnuts who rub themselves with essence of jeezus before mating with their kinfolk: when you become a parody of your own beliefs, it's time to wake up and smell the horseshit.

Pro-Evolution by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas, Day Number Five

2011-12-17T00:25:00.000-08:00

After taking day four to honor Christopher Hitchens, it's back to making fun of the pathetic little creatures who want to take over the world with their whining. As I watch them complain that not everyone wants to be part of their cults, and as I watch them try and force their religions on everyone else, I am struck by something so painfully obvious: it sucks to be them. I mean, think about it. If what they believed was so wonderful, so satisfying, so world altering fantastic, why do they have to whine that not everyone wants to be part of it? If it's so good, why aren't they just practicing what they believe and leaving the rest of the world alone? Only really insecure douche bags find so little pleasure in their lives that they have to be mean little shits to everyone else. Maybe they need to accept that the whole god thing just isn't doing it for them. If it was, they'd be like Atheists or other people who don't need imaginary friends to feel complete or moral or ethical. They'd accept the limitations of their own existence and quit looking for others to blame for their shortcomings. They'd realize that no god is going to rescue them from the misery of their empty, meaningless lives, that it's up to them to chart their own destiny. And certainly they'd develop a sense of humor and quit whining about stuff all the time. We'd all be happy if they'd just lighten up and let everyone live as they see fit.

In honor of day five and humor and memories of my own family, I present today's video. If the ability to make this kind of entertainment was around when I lived at home surrounded by multitudes of strange accented English, I would have so made something like this.

Evolution Of The Smartest by godless_heathen
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Christopher Hitchens April 13, 1949--December 15, 2011

2011-12-16T01:04:00.000-08:00

Sunset Clouds by northwest_photograph
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War On Xmas, Day Number Three

2011-12-15T01:58:00.000-08:00

The real reason there's a war on Christmas is because Christians are selfish and won't share the holidays. They expect EVERYONE, whether they are Jewish, Muslim, Atheists, Pagans, or Noodly to celebrate THEIR holidays. How would they like it if they always had to celebrate other religious holidays that had nothing to do with Christianity? How would they like that? Not very much, I suspect. But that's basically what they expect other people to do...celebrate only the Christian holiday. But fortunately, we still live in a country where they have to share the holidays and it leads to wonderful events such as this:

This year, next to the Christmas tree and nativity scene, residents will see a painting of Santa nailed to a cross, a sign about the fictional Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and a poster describing the Easter Bunny, Jesus Christ and Santa as "myths for young and old." READ MORE

As part of the multicultural experience selfish Christians want to deny the rest of us, here's a lovely celebration I found to share. Yes, it's the 12 days of Christmas, but it's Hawaiian and a whole lot more fun than a bunch of dour rich white Republican/teabagging morons singing the same old crap.

Naked Pagan by orsobear
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War On Xmas, Day Number Two

2011-12-14T00:56:00.000-08:00

It's day two of the War On Christmas and today's offering is a charming rendition of very special holiday music as farted through the asses of cheerleaders. Is there any better way to say Merry Christmas, Assholes?

I think not. It is such a fitting tribute to those window peepers obsessed with the sex lives of gays, the reading material of mature adults, and the TV viewing habits of people who are obviously having a lot more fun when they don't have to worry over being struck dead for seeing bare skin or for watching programs and movies meant for thinking grownups.

It is my sincere wish for the holidays that this year Christians learn where the off switch is on the television so no one has to pass laws mandating an official hand reach out and turn it off for them. I wish for them to take a break from burning books and actually read one for a change. I sincerely hope they give up on the unhealthy obsession with getting big government involved in other people's sex lives and have themselves a good and wild fuck so they will not be so jealous of everyone else's sexuality. And more than anything, I want them to get their mean, bigoted, racist and paranoid asses out of OUR government and focus on cleaning up the messes within their own walls instead. I mean, seriously...if you google serial killers and religion, you'll see they were mostly good god-fearing killers raised by fundamentally deranged Christian crazies. And that's not even getting into all the priestly obsession with little boys. That list is way too long to include here.

Why There's War On Christmas by godless_heathen
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War On Xmas, Day Number One

2011-12-13T00:51:00.000-08:00

I could barely contain my excitement all day long today as I waited for the numbers on the bottom of my screen to switch over to 12/12/2011 and officially open the War on Christmas. How I need this magical time of year, especially today when I found out that once again I did NOT make Santa's list of naughty little Atheists. And once again, a whole year went by without a single Muslim, Jew, Pagan, Flying Spaghetti Monster, or Atheist knocking on my door trying to talk me into coming over to their dark side. Instead I was annoyed by this abomination: the Republican Jesus! left on my door by one of his evil minions.

It looks like they scrubbed all the brown off him, especially that nasty Middle East brown that could be something not Christian, gave him a haircut and bought him some nifty accessories from some loser in the pool of first ones voted off one of those crappy designer shows.

And a whole slew of those homophobic skinny white boys traveling together, living together, eating together, bathing together, sleeping together to spread the word that Mitt Romney is a member of their cult and if you don't vote for him the gays! Oh the gays! They'll get married or something horrible that will require them to travel together, live together, eat together, bathe together, and sleep together, all while riding a bicycle donated by someone who needed a tax deduction.

But no Jews! Not a single Jew knocked on my door to try and give me the good news about Judaism. Not a single Jew got on TV and whined about how the War on Hanukkah wouldn't let Jewish kids stop everyone else from having bread with their sandwiches.

Not a single Muslim knocked on my door to convert me to Islam. Not one. And I didn't see any Muslims at all on TV complaining that there was a war on Islam because everyone wasn't required to wear a head scarf, no matter what their religion.

This year, just like every year before, it was the Christians who interrupted my dinner by knocking on my door uninvited and forcing their cult on me, whether I wanted them to or not. Not one of them cared about what I believed or didn't believe. They just shoved their way into my privacy and demanded I convert to what THEY believed or I would go to a hell I didn't believe existed. Not one of them could explain that trick to me, about how I could go somewhere I didn't believe existed. And not one of them were amused when I asked them if they saw people falling into a canyon crossing a bridge that did not exist, would they try and cross that bridge too like dumbass lemmings?

But I did see Christians all over the TV with their shows all about their cults, and every single store was playing their cultish music, and the whole shopping thing was so they could spend money buying objects to sacrifice to their mythical being. And soon the whole country would shut down to they could celebrate their Christian holiday, no matter what religion anyone else was. It was Christmas and it was going to be forced down your throat or...or...or...they'd burn you at the fucking stake or something equally representative of their god's love. But you could hardly hear them over all the holiday noise, all the Christian based rituals, all the horrible horrible sappy Christian music because they were screaming so loudly about the War On Christmas!

In light of all that whining hypocrisy, it is pretty much a civil duty, you might say my god given obligation to fight back against their crap with my own version of the War On Christmas. Here is the opening shot. Enjoy.

Gingerbread On A Cross by godless_heathen
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When The Rot Takes Hold

2011-11-12T01:19:00.000-08:00

After playing the GOP Debate Drinking Game that involved taking a drink every time one of the Republican Crazies invoked their imaginary playmates to help them bring Fascism to America, I ended up wasted and more aware than ever that religion makes people really really stupid. I mean, seriously, how can you believe such insane crap and expect anyone to think you're qualified to be President?

If you can't tell the difference between talking snakes and heads of state, then you're more dangerous than any militant crazy hiding out in a cave somewhere. Most of you on that stage can't find Iraq on a map but think you have the right to inflict your version of god on a country just so you can steal their oil. If your god is so great, how come you have to kill people to make them believe in him?

Guess what? If Jesus existed he'd hate your hypocritical, immoral, lying sack of shit asses for using him to hate everyone who wasn't you or one of your small little inbred circle of cretins. When I see supposed Christians like Bachmann, Perry, and that slimy Golum, Gingrich, I see a crowd of disgusting hypocrites who found a way to steal money from people even dumber than themselves.

They created a religion called "politics" and they're now using it to pick pockets daily. They know there's people so dumb, so brainwashed by the pulpit pimps that they'll let them steal anything as long as they claim to have god on their side. And they always throw a good raw hunk of hate to the congregation because that's what the knuckle-dragging mouth breathers slop up.

But you can only take stupid so far before even it begins to turn on you. Every time one of these jeezus whores opens their mouths and goes on about the Bible says this and the Bible says that in order to enforce their hateful little world views, you know two things: one, that they've never actually read the Bible themselves, and secondly, that each time they speak, a little bell goes off in the rest of the population and another Atheist is created.

Just keep talking your stupid shit and you'll eventually be as extinct as the dinosaurs on your ark, because no one wants to follow a religion that makes them as intolerably stupid as today's Christian-Tealiban-Americans.

End Of The World by godless_heathen
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My Cult is better than your Cult...nyah nyah nyah...

2011-10-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

The thing about religion and its Borg-like followers is that compromise or tolerance is nowhere in their version of the Bible, so they eventually turn on each other like a pack of inane nonsense spouting hyenas. They realize there's not much new room at the top if you're looking to raise some of those tax free jeezus bucks before the suckers catch on, so when they see someone sneaking up on them, look out feeding frenzy enthusiasts, the show is about to begin.

This is what is currently going on between the Baptists and the Mormons.

“I think the decision for conservative Evangelical Christians right now is going to be, do we prefer somebody who is truly a believer in Jesus Christ or somebody who is a good moral person but is a member of a cult? And it’s not politically correct to say but it is true, Mormonism is a cult.”

"...Dr. Robert Jeffress, a Dallas pastor and leader of the Southern Baptist Convention Read More

When you have two of the biggest cults saying to each other, you're a cult, no you're a cult, then you know you've entered Beavis and Butthead territory, and because there's politics involved, it's going to enter realms not even the hyenas want to claim. But you see, it's like stink on shit. Once it's on you, it's on you. Good luck trying to rub it off on someone else, like say...the Catholic Church that considers both of these asshat cultists as total amateurs when it comes to raking in the bucks and spreading the bullshit thick and deep.

Scarlet Atheist by godless_heathen
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Congressional Sheeple

2011-07-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

More than once over the last few days, as I watched the sideshow in Congress play out over raising the debt ceiling, the blurring of the line between church and state became increasingly obvious. It no longer was a battle between political parties; it was now a battle to inflict one group's religious dogma on everyone else.

Anyone who has ever attempted the futile task of trying to inject reason and logic into an argument with a fundamentalist whack job, soon realized there was no room left for anything else inside that wandering wasteland that passed for a Religidiot's cranium.

It's a dead zone in there, a hellhole filled with fear, misinformation, outright lies, and a belief that only unreal things like talking snakes and imaginary playmates can save them from all the other scary voices in their heads.

And because such stupidity has always been easily channeled into a movement to be used, abused, and eventually slaughtered, religidiots fill the seats in Congress and other political offices where a useful moron is required to pass someone else's agenda.

But of course, religion is the biggest someone else's agenda ever invented. It's been used to start and continue wars, destroy countries, enemies, competitors, rivals, and anything that didn't fit some power elite's plan to wipe the earth with his insatiable greed.

Religion has always served as the ultimate provider of non-thinking, obedient, unquestioning sheeple for the real rulers of the universe to achieve that wiping.

Without religion teaching them they have no business thinking for themselves when there's smart, rich people who will do it for them, there would be no tea party sheeple.

And without religion there might be a chance of swaying them to the side of reasonable compromise, to get them off their knees and look into the face of facts instead of manipulative lies and propaganda.

But as the Republicans who courted these fanatics learned when they stupidly recruited them because they needed to up the body count enough to get re-elected,there's no negotiating with religious terrorists.

They'll take the country down with them before they deviate from the path they're nailed to because facts are, in their feeble little sheeple minds, dirty liberal lies.

They've been told this over and over again by hate radio and fake news, just as they were fed carefully selected parts of the bible by some self-serving preacher knowing exactly what words and phrases to use to get them to hate the right people and march eagerly to their own slaughter, and of course, donate to the "right" cause before they were sacrificed at the end of their usefulness.(George W and the evangelicals he used and then discarded.)

And now it might be too late to turn back, too late to move the country forward when it is so obviously sliding into banana republic status. It would take reasoning with people who will believe a talking jackass and born again zombies before they let anything resembling truth enter their pathetic little brains.

And unless the rest of the country wakes up, these religious crazies will have their end of the world fantasy they've spent decades building callouses on their knees to celebrate. They'll get their banana republic where they can shoot non-believers, gays, lesbians, black, brown, red, any color, any belief that is not non-white christian crazies.

They'll get their dumbing down of the population so completely that in decades to come, few will even know there was a time when not everyone was a superstitious moron picking fleas out of their shit-blocked ears.

Civilization will have to start again from the beginning as it always has after it let the crazies take over. It's called "evolution" and it's continual because every few centuries it once again becomes necessary due to the stupidity of humanity.

Stupid People Control by godless_heathen
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Preying On The Stupid

2011-06-08T00:23:00.000-07:00

As stupid and ridiculous as these morons on a mission from god may appear, as hilarious as they seem as some bizarre comedy act, as insane as they may seem to anyone with even half a brain: here's a sobering thought. They have followers. You know what that means? The planet is totally fucked. The dumbification is complete. There's now more stupid people on the planet, more people who prefer to follow rather than lead, whose only real meaning in life is to either be used by cannon fodder in some rich asshole's war, or to be used by some rich assholes to make themselves even richer. And they're mentally ill. How else would they accept such monumental and ridiculous crap unless they had no clue about the difference between facts and reality. Oh wait a minute...that's why they think the bible is true. They don't know the difference...

Religious Crazies by godless_heathen
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Get yourself some of that rapture cult money!

2011-05-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

How many remember the bleating hysterics who built bunkers to escape the horrifying terror of Y2K? They ran around like stampeded sheep trying to escape the terrifying beast no one except eighty year old computer programmers understood?

Setting aside the possibility that many of them may still be locked down underneath the earth waiting for the gays and Atheists to die off, and looking away guiltily if someone asks if you really did nail their bunker doors shut to make sure they never escaped, those packages of freeze-dried barely edible crap and barrels of by now fecund drinking water are probably close to running out.

When they emerge like pale, petrified moles with foot long nails and matted beards, there's a good chance they're going to be more than a bit pissed off that the world didn't end and they lived in a dank hole for over a decade for nothing. That means everyone who accumulated mass bucks selling them faux food and barrels of tap water will not be getting repeat customers.

That's where the rapture crazies come in. Think about it. There's a whole new market waiting to be exploited. Imagine the possibilities! Personal submarines to escape the apocalyptic floods, asbestos tubes to protect them from the hellfire on earth, and all kinds of businesses to take care of pets, exchanging current spouses in favor of newer models more suitable for breeding and populating the afterlife. And liquidating all those burdensome homes, cars, boats, RVs, and collectible plates with eagles and the statue of liberty engraved in gold flake. The potential income is limited only by your ethics and sense of morality. Use their current preachers/churches as models and those things won't get in your way because they've demonstrated how useless they truly are in such a consumer-driven earth home.

But of course, as in all money making endeavors, there's the bottom feeders. For you who are always waiting for the moment to "invest" in someone else's fear, insecurities, and desire for vengeance, there is this video to educate you on the basics.

Post Rapture by godless_heathen
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Day of the Zombie

2011-04-24T00:18:00.000-07:00

The Zombie has risen. Be Prepared!

Jesus Zombie by godless_heathen
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Jeezus Loves Himself Some Crazy People

2011-04-12T01:27:00.000-07:00

Whenever reasonable, sane people think they can use logic, facts, and Science to fight against the intolerable ignorance of in-bred bible-thumping morons, it would do them well to keep the folks in this video in mind...and move on to something that is higher up on the food chain.

There's a kind of stupid that's beyond repair and the only hope for the rest of the planet is that they continue to breed among themselves so thoroughly that eventually they will wilt into the shit of their own doom from genetic mutations so horrible, their very bodies go running away screaming in terror.

Dinosaur Games by godless_heathen
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You Too Can Be A Cult Leader

2011-03-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

Creepy how you can apply these techniques to just about anyone and end up with Teabaggers, Republicans, Conservatives, Fox News Viewers, Limbots...any kind of easily manipulated, not very bright, tools for some power pigs to come along and steal the barely used brains from their skulls.

Brain-Sucking Zombie by godless_heathen
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Aliens, Jesus, and the Dinosaurs

2011-02-24T01:23:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across the History Channel a while back and after reading the offerings and watching a bit of it, I realized a phenomenal paradigm shift has occurred in the American version of History. All "scholarly" works used as reference are religious books, which means a station that calls itself "The History Channel" only covers things that happened in the last few thousand years. And amazingly enough, Jesus and other religious figures are not descended from humans or apes. They're fucking aliens! The whole channel is devoted to aliens. Seriously. All you Jesus worshippers. He's some dude from outer space! And has anyone asked him for HIS birth certificate or proof of citizenship? Seriously, you know he's just got to be an ILLEGAL alien. You better ask for those papers before he starts bringing his whole damn family to this planet.

Fish Cult by godless_heathen
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Ten Rebuttals to Creationist Nonsense

2011-01-13T20:46:00.000-08:00

Now that the war on Christmas has been put back in the attic along with the manger scene of single moms and their first Christian anchor babies dressed as Muslims, it's time to focus on the year-round crazies: the creationist-spouting knuckledraggers.

I can understand perfectly why they refuse to believe in evolution. It's too painful for them to admit it passed them by. They grew up being mocked on the playground: oh look, there's Bubba Dumbfuck. Everyone got a new car for graduation and all he got was a dinosaur that wants to eat him all the time.

And evolution is quite picky too. While everyone else benefitted from the evolution of medicine, the poor stupid creationists were watching their bodies rot away from leprosy and other nasty diseases.

Seriously, no one wants to date some dude who believes shit written by crazy people who thought the earth was flat, and it's even worse if body parts are falling off as they're trying to hit on that hot Atheist.

But the worst thing is that the whole world is changing around them, everything is growing and evolving and they're seriously being left behind to wallow in the ooze with the other cranially-impaired lifeforms.

But all is not lost. There's lots of fetuses to make friends with and as long as no one has to evolve, then creationist christians won't be put in the awkward position of throwing their new friends out with the trash once they're actually born and swimming on their own.

And to amuse you, here's ten rebuttals to creationist arguments. Sadly, those who could really benefit from it won't get to see it because they're stuck somewhere trying to figure out where the gas pump goes on the dinosaur.

American Religion by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas: Day 12

2010-12-24T00:53:00.000-08:00

It's day 12 of the war on Christmas and there's no better way to honor it than with the scariest weapon ever: a whole bunch of dancing gay elves celebrating the 12 days of Christmas! It's the fundie whackos worst nightmare because they know they'll never be able to dance this well.

Dinosaur Eats Jesus Fish by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas: Day 11

2010-12-23T01:52:00.000-08:00

It's day 11 and I've resorted to bizarre videos mocking the 12 days of Christmas. It's a whole lot better than crawling through the broken glass in the the Squall-Mart parking lot on my hands and knees to buy cheap shit from China. Why subject myself to all that agony when I can watch the brave Italians fight to their death in this heartwarming tribute to the war on Christmas.

Dinosaur Barbecue by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas: Day 10

2010-12-22T00:53:00.000-08:00

It's day 10 and the continual christmas music feels like worms eating at my brain. Frozen and rapidly thawing turkey carcasses drip drip drip in the grocery aisles. Cans of cranberry glop stand stacked like sentries dare me to cross the line and buy something other than "holiday" food. The vegetables are all guarded by cans of cream of celery, cream of mushroom, and that abomination spawned from the worst of 50's era cookbooks: canned fried onion rings. They whisper seductively of an orgy waiting for me to join them to make it complete. I start to poke my eyes out as the image of soggy canned green beans drenched in mushroom scented lard soup laced with greasy rings of non-crunching onion scream Merry Christmas Heathen as I crawl away to try and escape the horror. I know resistance is futile but I try anyway. It's my patriotic duty to fight them with every last bit of free will I have left. They must not win...they must not win...

Cthulhu Loves You by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas: Day 9

2010-12-21T01:38:00.000-08:00

If I object to one thing above every evil religion has done, killing the universal sense of humor is at the top of the list. I'm going to fight from my side of the war on Christmas with my favorite 12 days of Christmas spoofs. This is one to get you started. If you want to know more about the origins of this brilliant work of art, consult the google oracle for "boymongoose"

My Name Is James Tillich by godless_heathen
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War on Christmas: Day 8

2010-12-20T00:56:00.000-08:00

It's day 8 of the War on Xmas and from the looks of things the mall rats are worshipping at the altar of human consumerism. I can report they're fat little suckers as they swarm through food courts and suck up grease and corn syrup globules in astonishing quantities. They're definitely winning on this front while the rest of us are held prisoner to vegetables and sensible shoes.

I do understand the sacredness of it all as there is nothing more Christ-like than a crazed shopper knocking over frail old ladies and small children in their hurry to get to the bargain counter where life-sized arks with dinosaurs are going fast.

There's nothing more holy than elbowing grandpa out of the way so the feeding frenzy winner can walk away with a pair of boxers that ask the ultimate meaning of life question: "Who's your baby daddy?"

Crazy MF Church by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas: Day 7

2010-12-19T01:54:00.000-08:00

In a few days the real war on Christmas begins. That's when families start converging on the designated battle grounds and a year's worth of festering hostilities rage to the surface once more.

What says Christmas more than a dinner spoiled by drunken arguments, screaming accusations, blame laid thick and heavy over everything and anything that has been hashed over for decades but still makes a special appearance for this most sacred of all holidays?

There is no deeper meaning to Christmas than at least one, if not two or more people breaking into spontaneous tears of humiliation over being told they were too fat, too thin, too poor, too rich, too single, too married, too good at birth control, too bad at birth control, too slutty, not slutty enough.

It would not be the holiest day of the year without the cheap last minute presents bought to avoid the meltdown of the previous year when regifting led to the tree being set on fire, the Christmas goose shoved down grandpa's throat, the vat sized container of bubble bath held responsible for an outbreak of incurable hives.

Nothing says Christmas like daddy's new slutty girlfriend and mommy's new little boy toy humping in the hall closet while mommy and daddy rehash old issues until they scream for mercy.

Yes, this is such a special day that is made all the more special by the dog throwing up on the neighbor's brand new expensive coat, grandma giving lap dances after one too many eggnogs, and the children shoving Santa's ass up the chimney and threatening to kill every damn one of his elves if he ever comes back again.

And to top it all off, everyone is whispering that the reindeer seem to have developed an unhealthy attachment to weird uncle Bobby.

I Support War On Christmas by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas: Day 6

2010-12-18T00:37:00.000-08:00

Today I had to hold myself back from taking a pitchfork to all the inflatable Jesus snowmen, women, reindeer, assorted elves, and things seen only in the deepest darkest lagoons...or the front lawn with lights hanging off them.

But I held back because they are after all, the front line of the War On Christmas. Everyone knows it's the ten foot tall inflatable reindeer that puts the Christ in Christmas. Who can argue with that or the humping wire mesh reindeer that everyone thinks they thought of first. Hey guys, you weren't first with that one. Jesus was. Jesus had the first humping reindeer in HIS yard. I dare you to prove otherwise. I double dare you!

Jesus Humor by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas: Day 5

2010-12-17T01:13:00.000-08:00

Five days into the war and it's a wasteland out there of cheap crap from China blessed by Santa Jesus and the holy spirit of Wall-Martus. The only path to salvation is through a minefield of screaming brats, stressed out and broke parents, jaded gift buyers, and the poor who can only stare wistfully in the toy store window as they lust in their heart for Saint i-Crap.

So quick! Put on those robes, grab your ass and head on down to Bethlehem Motors where Jesus Wagons are going for astonishing year end prices. Don't be stuck hauling your ass through the desert heat when you can drive in air-conditioned comfort in your 20ll Jesus Shaggin' Wagon.

Those mangers fill up fast this time of year so don't get left out in the cold. Come on down to We FleeceEm Mobile Sheep/girlfriends built especially for those in need of something to confess so you can be absolved of any personal responsibility or responsibility for your actions. This week only you can kill someone and get immediately absolved and forgiven. But act now because this deal is only good for the Christmas season when it's all about Jesus being the reason for the season.

We knew it had to be someone's fault, didn't we? No one could come up with this pile of crap on their own. Jesus is the reason for the season. Don't forget now...

Bigoted Assholes by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas: Day Four

2010-12-16T01:40:00.000-08:00

In any war it is important to know what kind of people make up the opposing army. After all, you wouldn't want to be stuck playing Chess with an idiot. But that's basically the position morons who insist there's a War On Christmas put sane people in--a Chess game played against idiots.

Think about it. This time of year (actually it started sometime between the pumpkins decaying on the porch and the racoons eating the last scrap of turkey carcass from the garbage) you can't drive down the street without being blinded by war victims. Every house is lit up so insanely, the war can be seen from space! Inside, the suffering masses huddle around dead trees dressed up and waiting for Santa to tell them it's safe to come out.

While the homeless huddle in doorways of condemned buildings, the war effort goes to building tight little mangers for plastic babies dressed as Muslims. And like most pet-loving people, they make space for their asses and other family members in the manger.

And of course by now most moderately sane people have several times a day imagined the feeling of piercing their own ear drums with knitting needles as something not as bad as chipmunks singing Silent Night over and over again in the market.

It's only day four but I'm ready to club the next raging lunatic that lunges at me wild-eyed and feral as they screech "Merry Christmas" at me as if it were the most vile insult on the planet. Somehow, in spite of the eternally damning hell of continual Christmas music sung, muttered, whined, yelled, and turned into electronic mayhem, and in spite of so much red and green and tinsel all draped over everything as if the Jolly Green Giant was being gored and displayed like a holiday roast, in spite of the continual warfare of commercials bombarding us everywhere we turn, these crazed Christian asylum escapees see me and others as enemies that can only be subdued by screeching Merry Christmas at us.

I can only fight them with their own words because that way they hang themselves and I can sit back and eat kittens wrapped in tissue paper with bows for breakfast.

War On Fruitcakes by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas: Day Three

2010-12-15T01:13:00.000-08:00

While driving around the internet tube thing I came across this reworked version of "Twas the night before Christmas," and just had to share it. The author's name is TOM DEGAN

‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all ’round the place
Them Liberals were plannin’
to attack us with mace

The Children were nestled
all snug in their beds
While visions of Rand Paul
stomped on their heads

And mama with her Demerol
and I with my booze
Had just settled down
for a long winter’s snooze

When out on the rooftop
there rose such a ruckus
I sprang from my bed to see
WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON UP THERE???

A posse of Liberals
all armed to the teeth
Were doing rude things
to our poor Christmas wreath

They spoke not a word
but were vile and we shook
As they ripped out the pages
of Ms. Palin’s book

And I heard them exclaim
as they tore up the streets
“Nasty Kringle to all!
Next year leave us some sweets!”

TOM DEGAN

Today's video find comes from The Godless Liberal Social Society

I Support War On Christmas by godless_heathen
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War on Christmas: Day Two

2010-12-14T02:04:00.000-08:00

Nothing demonstrates the spirit of xmas so completely as Gollum. You can just see him screeching as he runs over old people at Squall-Mart so he can be first in line to buy something he doesn't need or want but was built up by the media, the music--the horrible horrible music that just won't stop, and his own insatiable inner greed to want want want, even if he has to trample on everyone to get to "IT."

Dinosaur Eats Jesus Fish by godless_heathen
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War on Christmas: Day One

2010-12-13T12:28:00.000-08:00

Today begins day one of the War On Christmas. You haven't heard of it? I'm not surprised as it's drowned out by all the Christian Christmas Crap
music blaring out of every speaker in every store. It's really difficult to even know there's a war on Christmas when the stores start getting ready for it the day after Thanksgiving by hanging religious cult symbols all over the place. I perfectly understand how you could even miss there's a war on Christmas when everywhere you look, everything you hear, every place you go is an overload of Christmas crap. But it's a war, I tell you, a real war. Just turn on the TV (that ancient thing gathering dust in the corner) and watch some of the maniacal talking heads on one of those funny shows that call themselves "News." I guess the real meaning of News is "not even worth seeing," but really you should watch just for a few minutes and see there really is a war on Christmas. All those hysterical shrieking boring, ugly old white people couldn't possibly be wrong now, could they?

So, I'll do my part to be their loyal opposition because without an opposing side, there can be no war. I will be that side and I will give to you twelve days of my own personal war on Christmas.

Evolve by godless_heathen
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Something to be thankful for...

2010-12-02T01:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when the asshole to human ratio gets out of whack, it's good to remember those who have died and by their passing left the world a better place because they're no longer in it.

Atheist Quote by godless_heathen
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There's xmas crap in the store already!

2010-11-23T00:59:00.000-08:00

Any day now the hysterical talking heads on the hatestream media will be hysterically whining about the mythical war on xmas. I consider it my patriotic duty to fight back, since they're the ones who call it a "war."

First, to really make their heads explode, a lovely little holiday tune that about sums up how I feel about their stupid made up holiday to make the supersitious masses buy their cheap crap. Enjoy!

And then, because part of the "war" is fighting with things and over things and about things, I want my things to win over their things. So here's some anti-christmas "ornaments" to stick on your poles to wave around as you take to the streets for the annual war on xmas.

Atheist Fish by godless_heathen
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War On Xmas Veteran by godless_heathen
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Support War on Christmas by godless_heathen
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Bible Blinders

2010-11-21T01:48:00.000-08:00

Anyone who's tried to have a civilized conversation with a Religidiot knows that facts are nasty little things that need to be swept out the door with all the rest of the heathen devil spawn. But I try because I really want to understand how someone can suspend thinking and hand their brain over to someone else to fill to overflowing with all kinds of stupid shit.

So I'm not surprised there's this perverse split of new and old testament crap they treat like a menu of options. If they actually believed what was in the Bible they'd be loving themselves some human beings, no matter if they were black, brown, pink or gay. Instead they focus on the crap that lets them kill anything they don't like and fuck their sisters.

And you know what really scares them? An Atheist who has actually read the Bible because they just know we're going to be flinging those ugly fact things at them.

Bless Your Heart by godless_heathen
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If Atheists Ruled the World

2010-11-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

All the dialogue was taken from online Christian forums.

Hate From The Pulpit by godless_heathen
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I Will Survive...or not...

2010-10-22T00:42:00.000-07:00

Bless Your Heart by godless_heathen
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Humble Like Jesus

2010-08-23T00:23:00.000-07:00

My favorite kind of irreverent, profanity-laden comic routine poking fun at religion. And if there's anything that is irreverent, profanity-laden, and totally comical--it's religion. So it's kind of a fighting like with like kind of thing. Very amusing.

It's that time of year when most people start thinking about new calendars. Why not combine the beauty of nature with some great Atheist quotes? And you can customize them so they can start and end at whatever month you'd like.

Favorite Atheism Quotes by godless_heathen
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Yeah, it happened this way....

2010-07-23T17:03:00.000-07:00

How is it any different than what those wild and crazy creationists claim is the truth? At least this one is funny.

Hide The Bong by godless_heathen
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Bill Maher on Religion

2010-06-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

Peace Love Atheism by godless_heathen
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Funny Weird Guy sings to the Pope

2010-05-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

Religion Tool by godless_heathen
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Drop Kicking the Pope

2010-05-26T18:51:00.000-07:00

Weapons of Mass Destruction by godless_heathen
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The Cult of Crazy People

2010-05-10T01:11:00.000-07:00

Just remember, when those inbred morons start going on about America being a Christian nation, their claims are no different than when the occupants of padded rooms start going on about being anally probed by aliens. If you need proof of this, here's some Christians providing all the proof you need with their words, actions, and wild-eyed insanity they fool themselves into believing is religion. It's religion, alright. Just back away from the drugs and no one gets hurt.

Opiate Religion by godless_heathen
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Banning Book about Book Burning during Banned Books Week

2010-05-07T01:43:00.000-07:00

Dinosaur Eats Jesus Fish by godless_heathen
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Jesus Hearts Porn

2010-05-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

Here we have a serious subject under discussion, the right of a woman to choose what to do with her own body, and the Goposaur who surely cites the sanctity of womanhood as he votes to deny her this right in the name of his meddling god, spends some quality time ogling naked women. Maybe he's looking for someone to have his baby. Yeah, that's a good excuse. Except he hasn't run it by his wife yet because you just know she's not going to get the whole I was bored so I decided to go boobie surfing, argument. She's going to whack him upside his hypocritical porn-surfing smut-loving jesus screaming head. The rest of his state should vote him out of office so he'll have all kinds of time to surf to his heart's content without doing it on the taxpayer dime.

Jesus Zombie by godless_heathen
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When No Means No

2010-05-03T02:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know where crazy ass christians got the idea that if they just bothered you enough, you'd somehow give in. The whole idea that forcing your beliefs on someone is annoying just whizzes right by their poor brainwashed heads.

Get a clue, guys. There's a reason you don't see Atheists knocking on doors asking you to celebrate nothing. Because it's all in your heads, you morons! You believe some book written by people who believed the earth was flat. How stupid is that?

Jesus and all your imaginary playmates are hallucinations from bad food or something you swallowed, and it's rude to demand others share in your hallucinations.

Jesus Stew by godless_heathen
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Crazy Christian Cultists call in to whine.

2010-04-29T00:41:00.000-07:00

These guys are great. They deal with the religion cultists with humor, intelligence, and facts as they call into their show. Here's a sample selection.

Atheist Easter Bunny by godless_heathen
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Does Religion Make You Stupid?

2010-04-26T15:37:00.000-07:00

Some interesting test results showing the correlation between religious belief and IQ. Anyone who's driven through some of the scariest parts of Dumbfuckistan in the deepest darkest parts of the GodCultist southern states won't be surprised by these results. Believe me, I thought they'd be far lower than they were. But then I was just reading the billboards and the Teabagger's signs. That would have lowered the numbers considerably if they included more of them. I imagine they couldn't climb over the bodies of census takers and UPS delivery guys to ask them about their religious beliefs which is why they weren't included.

Rapture Garage Sale by godless_heathen
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The Hypocrisy of Religion

2010-04-23T23:16:00.000-07:00

Really excellent video showing the hypocrisy of the media over religion, politics, and health care. These are some seriously disturbed crazy people. Keep in mind this is the public side of them. What the hell are they like when we aren't watching?

Anti-Religion Quote by godless_heathen
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When Crazy Gets Religion

2010-04-20T17:53:00.000-07:00

If you've ever needed proof that religion rots the brain, check out some of these quotes. Based on a lot of them, it seems religion also rots your compassion, tolerance, and ability to love. Crazy Christian Quotes

But nothing beats this video of the most whacked out Christian crazy ever. She has crazy eyes. And she scares her own children.

No Religious Crap by godless_heathen
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Domestic Terrorists

2010-04-19T13:52:00.000-07:00

A bunch of losers celebrate Hitler's birthday and the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing by spreading more of their hatred and delusion. Where were these so-called constitution lovers when George W Bush was wiping his ass with this precious document? Where were they when Cheney's wars for oil were lied into existence? Where were they when Bushco stole the country blind and turned and ignored and also obscenely profited from the outright thievery by the banks, insurance companies, and Wall Street? Where were they when the failed Republican hallucination of "trickle down" led to the one of the largest foreclosure rates in history and hundreds of thousands of people were turned out on the street? Where were they when Wal-Mart took out dead peasant insurance policies to cash in when they died, unaware they were even in the gambling game? Where was their outrage then? Where were their fat, pasty white asses then?

I suspect they were where they always are, parked in front of their TV's watching Faux News as they cash their Social Security checks, pop the pills they got with Medicare and/or their VA "guvmint" plan, eating fatty fried food that advances Alzheimer's and makes the insurance companies rich because they're heavily invested in them eating it so they can bet on when they'll die (read more), making Teahadist signs riddled with Teabonics because the only "book learning" they got came from heavily censored and biased Texas schoolbooks, as they advocate the overthrow of the government and denounce all terrorism that involves brown or black skin but defines their own domestic terrorism as "patriotic." These morons are CELEBRATING what happened to the Federal Building in Oklahoma. Timothy McVeigh was their hero. He was one of them. They are losers of the worst kind.

Atheist Truth by godless_heathen
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Religion's Effect On The Brain

2010-04-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

Exhibit A in the rapid deterioration and mental insanity in a subject exposed to fundamentalist fairy tales. She's just been told the dinosaurs fell off the edge of the flat earth.

"Fantastic doctrines (like Christianity or Islam or Marxism) require unanimity of belief. One dissenter casts doubt on the creed of millions. Thus the fear and the hate; thus the torture chamber, the iron stake, the gallows, the labor camp, the psychiatric ward." — Edward Abbey.

Brainwashing Drink by godless_heathen
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The Age Of The Idiot

2010-04-17T16:04:00.000-07:00

This excellent video put out by New Left Media shows how ethical journalism is supposed to work, as opposed to the moronic force-feeding of hate, fear and ignorance inflicted on America by the mainstream Corporate-owned media. These are the Teahadists--the slogan-spouting "morans" who have no idea what they're objecting to--exposing their ignorance. Go ahead and laugh until you realize they don't care if their words are wrong or if their actions lead to mayhem and death, because they don't even understand what they're raging against. They're just going where they are led by others yanking their bigotry and racism chains. Let's hope that years from now they won't have to stoop to the cop-out excuse employed by the non-thinking, uneducated and ignorant rabble throughout time: I was only following orders.

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." --Shakespeare

Hate From The Pulpit by godless_heathen
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Racist Teahadist Morons

2010-04-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

If anyone has any doubt what kind of damage can be inflicted on a population by lack of education, check out the appalling ignorance of the Teabagging morons as they inflict their teabonics on anyone who will listen to their pathetic squeals. One of these days someone will break through the thick fog of their pea brains and explain why they are nothing more than puppets for their corporate masters. They'll probably be so angry they'll burn down their own homes and slap themselves silly.

No Stupid People by orsobear
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What Bat-Shit Crazy Looks Like

2010-04-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

When you're a has-been hack from SNL, you end up sticking a big dorky red bow in your hair and making a total ass of yourself. read more

Tired of Hate by orsobear
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Senator McConnell, Wall Street's Paid Bitch

2010-04-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

Looks like congress is finally getting the message that they should at least pretend they are not bought and paid for by Wall Street. And they're starting by going after one of the Banking and Wall Street's favorite bitches, none other than head whiner and complainer of anything prefaced by reform, Mitch McConnell, one of the most unethical and corrupt Senators in Congress.

"Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.) entered a political memo written by GOP strategist Frank Luntz into the official Congressional Record on Wednesday, arguing that it belonged there because Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) and other Republicans were repeating it verbatim in their effort to block Wall Street reform." read more

No Religious Crap by godless_heathen
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The Phallic Blessing

2010-04-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

In order to not remind Pope Benedict of all the child molestations he and his church helped cover up, a giant penis in Malta is in danger of being removed for his upcoming visit.

"Colonna Mediterranea, a monument near a major airport in Malta, is facing removal before the Pope's visit to the country this weekend, after the local mayor worried it may be too "phallic."

Mayor John Schembri described the sculpture as "obscene" and "embarrassing," and it should be removed "as a sign of respect" for Pope Benedict XVI..."Read More

Arrest The Molesters by godless_heathen
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Crazy on Crazy Attack Politics

2010-04-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

It's crazy on crazy down there in the brain-frying heat of Arizona. On one side you have a crazy ass nut job who thinks gay marriage will lead to people marrying their horses, and running against him is John McCain who wasn't sane enough to realize Sarah Palin put the crazed in crazy. It all comes together in a campaign ad against Hayworth put out by the McCain campaign. It's looking good for Democrats unless the sun has fried people's brains so completely that they actually consider there to be a serious choice between the two Goposaurs. In that case, well the crazy people have to all live somewhere and Arizona is good for that.

Anti-Religion Quote by godless_heathen
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She Has Crazy Eyes

2010-04-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

She's the Queen of Crazy and it's all in the eyes. If they truly are the window to the soul then she's got some crazy ass demons working up some insane plots inside her tiny little pea brain.

Psycho Path by humor_shirts
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