Get yourself some of that rapture cult money!

How many remember the bleating hysterics who built bunkers to escape the horrifying terror of Y2K? They ran around like stampeded sheep trying to escape the terrifying beast no one except eighty year old computer programmers understood?

Setting aside the possibility that many of them may still be locked down underneath the earth waiting for the gays and Atheists to die off, and looking away guiltily if someone asks if you really did nail their bunker doors shut to make sure they never escaped, those packages of freeze-dried barely edible crap and barrels of by now fecund drinking water are probably close to running out.

When they emerge like pale, petrified moles with foot long nails and matted beards, there's a good chance they're going to be more than a bit pissed off that the world didn't end and they lived in a dank hole for over a decade for nothing. That means everyone who accumulated mass bucks selling them faux food and barrels of tap water will not be getting repeat customers.

That's where the rapture crazies come in. Think about it. There's a whole new market waiting to be exploited. Imagine the possibilities! Personal submarines to escape the apocalyptic floods, asbestos tubes to protect them from the hellfire on earth, and all kinds of businesses to take care of pets, exchanging current spouses in favor of newer models more suitable for breeding and populating the afterlife. And liquidating all those burdensome homes, cars, boats, RVs, and collectible plates with eagles and the statue of liberty engraved in gold flake. The potential income is limited only by your ethics and sense of morality. Use their current preachers/churches as models and those things won't get in your way because they've demonstrated how useless they truly are in such a consumer-driven earth home.

But of course, as in all money making endeavors, there's the bottom feeders. For you who are always waiting for the moment to "invest" in someone else's fear, insecurities, and desire for vengeance, there is this video to educate you on the basics.

Post Rapture by godless_heathen
Browse more Rapture Magnets

You Too Can Be A Cult Leader

Creepy how you can apply these techniques to just about anyone and end up with Teabaggers, Republicans, Conservatives, Fox News Viewers, Limbots...any kind of easily manipulated, not very bright, tools for some power pigs to come along and steal the barely used brains from their skulls.

Brain-Sucking Zombie by godless_heathen
More Atheism Business Cards

Ten Rebuttals to Creationist Nonsense

Now that the war on Christmas has been put back in the attic along with the manger scene of single moms and their first Christian anchor babies dressed as Muslims, it's time to focus on the year-round crazies: the creationist-spouting knuckledraggers.

I can understand perfectly why they refuse to believe in evolution. It's too painful for them to admit it passed them by. They grew up being mocked on the playground: oh look, there's Bubba Dumbfuck. Everyone got a new car for graduation and all he got was a dinosaur that wants to eat him all the time.

And evolution is quite picky too. While everyone else benefitted from the evolution of medicine, the poor stupid creationists were watching their bodies rot away from leprosy and other nasty diseases.

Seriously, no one wants to date some dude who believes shit written by crazy people who thought the earth was flat, and it's even worse if body parts are falling off as they're trying to hit on that hot Atheist.

But the worst thing is that the whole world is changing around them, everything is growing and evolving and they're seriously being left behind to wallow in the ooze with the other cranially-impaired lifeforms.

But all is not lost. There's lots of fetuses to make friends with and as long as no one has to evolve, then creationist christians won't be put in the awkward position of throwing their new friends out with the trash once they're actually born and swimming on their own.

And to amuse you, here's ten rebuttals to creationist arguments. Sadly, those who could really benefit from it won't get to see it because they're stuck somewhere trying to figure out where the gas pump goes on the dinosaur.

American Religion by godless_heathen
See other Atheism Postcards