Showing posts with label atheist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label atheist. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Religion, the Ultimate Crazy Pill
Just about everyone is familiar with the crazy religion-infested screeching bundle of hideousness from the show "Trading Spouses." She's become the poster child for whacked out christiand, and she always shows up on YouTube videos demonstrating the hazards to brain and sanity that religion inflicts on the terminally stupid. My favorites change from week to week, and this is my current favorite: the god warrior crazy lady meets metal.
You know how religion demands you wear their brand? Have your point of view represented with a scarlet A for Atheist necklace.
Buy Darwin Fish Car Emblem
Friday, June 1, 2012
Jeezus Hearts Atheists
Do you know what is creating more atheists every day? It's not godless heathens like myself. It's not that pile of scary devil shaped dust bunnies under the bed. It's not satan sneaking up to you in the middle of the night and whispering sweet heretical nothings in your ears. It's not some poor snake offering you an apple because you look hungry. It's your own damn jeezus and his dumbshit little minions that's responsible for the sudden and open rise in Atheism.
Watch the RomneyBot pander to the worst of the hateful little wingnut fucks who hide their bigotry and racism under the white hood of Christianity. Then ask yourself how horrible crap like this makes a a huge majority of people feel they don't have a place in this party, much less in a country run by this creepfest of a candidate for President?
Atheists don't have to go knocking on doors for converts* because speeches like this do a far better jobs of sending reasonable and sane people running away from religion and toward the safe harbor of intelligent independent thought and atheism.
*Atheists don't really go knocking on doors because we don't care what you believe as long as you leave us alone.
The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The Constitution Is Not The Declaration of Independence
"What the Religious Right doesn't tell people, and what, tragically, many Americans apparently don't know, is that when it comes to determining what the laws of the United States mean, the only document that matters is the Constitution. The Constitution, a completely secular document, contains no references to God, Jesus or Christianity. It says absolutely nothing about the United States being officially Christian. The Religious Right's constant appeals to documents like the Declaration of Independence, which contains a deistic reference to "the Creator," cloud the issue and make some people believe their rights spring from these other documents."
From From Legacy Of Freedom by Rob Boston
Friday, March 30, 2012
The Business Of Jesus
The other day I had a very interesting discussion with an atheist who thought it was a bad idea to tax churches. His reasoning was that with taxation comes representation, and that once churches are taxed then they would demand to be represented in government.
Represented? How much more represented can they be? Every President has had to drag his religion behind him like some public cross in order to get elected. We have never had a Jewish President, nor in spite of the silly claims by the knuckledragging baggers, a Muslim President (sorry folks, but he's a Christian), nor a Hindu, Buddhist, Pagan, nor any other group professing any kind of belief in something "out there" that wasn't Christian, and we've certainly never had an atheist President.
We do have churches who spend more money outside their congregations buying politicians, trying to keep gays from getting married, and trying to influence what goes on in our bedrooms, what we watch on TV and the movies, what we read in books and what we learn in school, than they do on their own members. If we're going to tax churches, let's start by taxing money that is not spent on church members. That leaves most of what they rake in using god as their cover story.
And speaking of money outside the churches, how about taxing the profits from the business end of the churches? No organization that hides behind tax-free status should be allowed to accumulate untold wealth in what are strictly business investments. If they sell something, whether it's books, bumper stickers, real estate, bonds, stocks, anything that gives them a return that is not put back into the membership, then that is income and should be taxed. Especially if it's blatant crap like THIS. Jesus would slap your greedy asses to hell if he existed.
Basically if a church is not devoted to helping the poor, the homeless, the sick, the orphaned, then they have strayed from the path that led to tax-exempt status. And if they're spending millions to interfere in the rights of other people, then every dime of that should be taxed. If they're spending millions to subvert the civil and equal rights of any minority, then not only should they be taxed but they should also be fined. And if in return churches demand a seat at the government table, then do it openly and honestly and become a political party and let the people vote on exactly how much representation churches get at that table.
But most of all, if churches are going to demand everyone follow their ideology and agenda, then they have to prove they have the numbers to lead the way, and right now the only thing standing in their way is religion, or rather...lots of religions. Before any one religion can rule, they have to take out their own competition and that means they have to make war on each other, kind of like Romney-Mormon and Santorum-Catholic are doing now. I cant' see Romney worshipping the Pope anymore than I can see Santorum wearing magic underwear. And I haven't even included the absolutely mind fuck crazy Baptists in there who believe both of them belong to cults.
But when the dust settles and if there is a winner instead of a whole bunch of beat up losers, then tax the crap out of them until they keep their religion inside their churches and homes and out of our governments, schools, libraries, universities, laboratories, and bodies.
The Rap Guide to Evolution 
Represented? How much more represented can they be? Every President has had to drag his religion behind him like some public cross in order to get elected. We have never had a Jewish President, nor in spite of the silly claims by the knuckledragging baggers, a Muslim President (sorry folks, but he's a Christian), nor a Hindu, Buddhist, Pagan, nor any other group professing any kind of belief in something "out there" that wasn't Christian, and we've certainly never had an atheist President.
We do have churches who spend more money outside their congregations buying politicians, trying to keep gays from getting married, and trying to influence what goes on in our bedrooms, what we watch on TV and the movies, what we read in books and what we learn in school, than they do on their own members. If we're going to tax churches, let's start by taxing money that is not spent on church members. That leaves most of what they rake in using god as their cover story.
And speaking of money outside the churches, how about taxing the profits from the business end of the churches? No organization that hides behind tax-free status should be allowed to accumulate untold wealth in what are strictly business investments. If they sell something, whether it's books, bumper stickers, real estate, bonds, stocks, anything that gives them a return that is not put back into the membership, then that is income and should be taxed. Especially if it's blatant crap like THIS. Jesus would slap your greedy asses to hell if he existed.
Basically if a church is not devoted to helping the poor, the homeless, the sick, the orphaned, then they have strayed from the path that led to tax-exempt status. And if they're spending millions to interfere in the rights of other people, then every dime of that should be taxed. If they're spending millions to subvert the civil and equal rights of any minority, then not only should they be taxed but they should also be fined. And if in return churches demand a seat at the government table, then do it openly and honestly and become a political party and let the people vote on exactly how much representation churches get at that table.
But most of all, if churches are going to demand everyone follow their ideology and agenda, then they have to prove they have the numbers to lead the way, and right now the only thing standing in their way is religion, or rather...lots of religions. Before any one religion can rule, they have to take out their own competition and that means they have to make war on each other, kind of like Romney-Mormon and Santorum-Catholic are doing now. I cant' see Romney worshipping the Pope anymore than I can see Santorum wearing magic underwear. And I haven't even included the absolutely mind fuck crazy Baptists in there who believe both of them belong to cults.
But when the dust settles and if there is a winner instead of a whole bunch of beat up losers, then tax the crap out of them until they keep their religion inside their churches and homes and out of our governments, schools, libraries, universities, laboratories, and bodies.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Waking Up The Majority
For most of my adult life I've made no secret of my atheism. I came to it honestly by being someone who prefers to do my own thinking, and who has a healthy disdain for those who set themselves up as the filters for someone else's life experiences.
I've never tried to convert others to atheism because I don't need to. I'm satisfied with it. It completes me and gives me a moral and ethical base that is not dependent on anything outside of myself. I don't have religion as an excuse so I have to answer to myself, to that person in the mirror who asks, can you live with the consequences of your actions?
Before I act, I'm always aware I have to answer not only to myself, but also to the people I love and cherish who would be hurt by my actions or who would feel unloved or unappreciated or wronged by them. In place of the bible, I have kindness, I have compassion, I have love, and I have a never ending quest to be the most unselfish, more caring person I can possibly be before I leave this life. I aspire to be good not for a god or for a religion, but because I see that as an admirable goal to accomplish as a human being.
As an atheist, I can't run to a preacher to beg forgiveness so I have to draw on my personal knowledge of right and wrong, and like every creature on this planet, those experiences were learned and stored from material specific to us and who we are, and who we were, and who we will become. Religion takes away the immediacy of those lessons and turns them into excuses. I always felt it was important to keep them close at hand so they would be available when needed.
With all the information and knowledge I've accumulated in my lifetime, there's plenty to draw from in order to resolve just about any human dilemma I'm faced with, so I don't need to sit in a church and have someone use those experiences to justify their own agenda. I don't need to go knocking on doors, or preach from any pulpits, nor go anywhere to convert supposed savages that are already perfectly content with what they believe or don't believe, and who don't need me interfering in their lives with my personal agenda.
My relationship with religion and its followers has been one of not caring what people believe as long as they didn't try to force it down the throats of others against their will. As an educated person I am informed about the legal right bestowed upon the citizens of this country to freely practice their religion, and also to be free to not practice any religion. And because I actually studied history instead of getting it regurgitated second hand by some pulpit pounder with a political agenda, I know that the worst tyranny a government can inflict on a people is legislating by religion instead of law.
Like many people in this country who were and continue to be perfectly content with our beliefs or lack of them, I became complacent. Because I didn't force my biases, my points of view, my agenda on others, I believed those who were religious would be content with being allowed to practice their beliefs and leave me alone.
Then along came Religion as a political party. Whatever god believers prayed to took second place to the political agenda that grew out an ignorance that saw no other truth but their own, and a cabal of wealthy bankster funded politicians who saw the poorly educated and easily led as a tool to promote their own agenda. It was a lot like herding sheep but at least real sheep occasionally broke out and stampeded once in a while.
But not these sheep. They weren't content to live and let live. They began to demand everyone live according to their beliefs, not even seeing the complete and total stupidity of thinking everyone was just like them. In their world, everyone was just like them. They were all white or all black or all Christian or all some other religion, cultist, or party member. Diversity has and always will be a threat to those who need everyone around them to look and act just the same.
But even seeing this, even seeing the politicians, especially the Republicans, use this to brainwash, scare, and intimidate these easily manipulated sheep-like humans to help them rob the country blind, I was still so content in my own sane world, that I failed to completely see their insanity.
Of course, I fought against the most obvious aspects of it by mocking it, by turning it into a joke, my making it seem like something only a few not right in the head folks would participate in willingly. Religious fanatics make easy targets for just about everyone, and they can be used by other fanatics to murder, maim, and fly planes into buildings for them. I had and will continue to have fun with this side of religious fanaticism.
In spite of the seriousness of religious tyranny throughout history, I still felt the smugness of the majority and tended to ignore the real dimwit bible thumpers as insignificant. I'm still in the majority but after the last week when an organization devoted to women's health suddenly joined the war against women, it's no longer a silent majority. I have a message for the religious crazies who want to force their beliefs on everyone else.
If you crazy religious nutbags want a war, then you have it. I'm not going to sit back and make fun of you anymore without also fighting you every step of the way. I'm going to call every single one of my representatives every time one of you religious crazies try and pass a law interfering with my rights, whether they be rights to determine the fate of my own body, the books I read, the movies I watch, the television shows I choose to let into my living room. No longer will manipulated little minions be the only voices putting pressure on politicians, charities, organizations, schools, libraries, and the media.
I'm on the other side and I will fight you with everything I have because you crossed the line this time. You took over an organization that was meant to save lives and you gave our donations to scum like Ari Fleischer so he could direct you on how to take down Planned Parenthood. And for the record, I don't think he personally has anything against Planned Parenthood. It's the non-existent WMD's he's shoving down your stupid, gullible throats so you'll turn out and vote against Democrats so he and his Republican thugs can start a war with Iran. Yes, you ARE that stupid and he knows it and uses you like an old whore.
But guess what? By being such assholes over Planned Parenthood, you exposed yourselves. Your pretty pink ribbons have shit all over them right now. You ruined a successful and profitable corporate brand with your religious nutbaggery, and all with the advice of a man who helped run this country into the financial ditch. Great job there, Ari. Planned Parenthood will thrive and the Komen foundation will dry up and blow away.
And in case you didn't get the message, there's simply more of us than you. The last few days showed that. The Occupy Wall Street Movement showed that. You woke us up and there's more of us than you. How fucking stupid. And hell yes we're going to use our new found power against you. If your god didn't want us to, he wouldn't have made you so stupid.
I've never tried to convert others to atheism because I don't need to. I'm satisfied with it. It completes me and gives me a moral and ethical base that is not dependent on anything outside of myself. I don't have religion as an excuse so I have to answer to myself, to that person in the mirror who asks, can you live with the consequences of your actions?
Before I act, I'm always aware I have to answer not only to myself, but also to the people I love and cherish who would be hurt by my actions or who would feel unloved or unappreciated or wronged by them. In place of the bible, I have kindness, I have compassion, I have love, and I have a never ending quest to be the most unselfish, more caring person I can possibly be before I leave this life. I aspire to be good not for a god or for a religion, but because I see that as an admirable goal to accomplish as a human being.
As an atheist, I can't run to a preacher to beg forgiveness so I have to draw on my personal knowledge of right and wrong, and like every creature on this planet, those experiences were learned and stored from material specific to us and who we are, and who we were, and who we will become. Religion takes away the immediacy of those lessons and turns them into excuses. I always felt it was important to keep them close at hand so they would be available when needed.
With all the information and knowledge I've accumulated in my lifetime, there's plenty to draw from in order to resolve just about any human dilemma I'm faced with, so I don't need to sit in a church and have someone use those experiences to justify their own agenda. I don't need to go knocking on doors, or preach from any pulpits, nor go anywhere to convert supposed savages that are already perfectly content with what they believe or don't believe, and who don't need me interfering in their lives with my personal agenda.
My relationship with religion and its followers has been one of not caring what people believe as long as they didn't try to force it down the throats of others against their will. As an educated person I am informed about the legal right bestowed upon the citizens of this country to freely practice their religion, and also to be free to not practice any religion. And because I actually studied history instead of getting it regurgitated second hand by some pulpit pounder with a political agenda, I know that the worst tyranny a government can inflict on a people is legislating by religion instead of law.
Like many people in this country who were and continue to be perfectly content with our beliefs or lack of them, I became complacent. Because I didn't force my biases, my points of view, my agenda on others, I believed those who were religious would be content with being allowed to practice their beliefs and leave me alone.
Then along came Religion as a political party. Whatever god believers prayed to took second place to the political agenda that grew out an ignorance that saw no other truth but their own, and a cabal of wealthy bankster funded politicians who saw the poorly educated and easily led as a tool to promote their own agenda. It was a lot like herding sheep but at least real sheep occasionally broke out and stampeded once in a while.
But not these sheep. They weren't content to live and let live. They began to demand everyone live according to their beliefs, not even seeing the complete and total stupidity of thinking everyone was just like them. In their world, everyone was just like them. They were all white or all black or all Christian or all some other religion, cultist, or party member. Diversity has and always will be a threat to those who need everyone around them to look and act just the same.
But even seeing this, even seeing the politicians, especially the Republicans, use this to brainwash, scare, and intimidate these easily manipulated sheep-like humans to help them rob the country blind, I was still so content in my own sane world, that I failed to completely see their insanity.
Of course, I fought against the most obvious aspects of it by mocking it, by turning it into a joke, my making it seem like something only a few not right in the head folks would participate in willingly. Religious fanatics make easy targets for just about everyone, and they can be used by other fanatics to murder, maim, and fly planes into buildings for them. I had and will continue to have fun with this side of religious fanaticism.
In spite of the seriousness of religious tyranny throughout history, I still felt the smugness of the majority and tended to ignore the real dimwit bible thumpers as insignificant. I'm still in the majority but after the last week when an organization devoted to women's health suddenly joined the war against women, it's no longer a silent majority. I have a message for the religious crazies who want to force their beliefs on everyone else.
If you crazy religious nutbags want a war, then you have it. I'm not going to sit back and make fun of you anymore without also fighting you every step of the way. I'm going to call every single one of my representatives every time one of you religious crazies try and pass a law interfering with my rights, whether they be rights to determine the fate of my own body, the books I read, the movies I watch, the television shows I choose to let into my living room. No longer will manipulated little minions be the only voices putting pressure on politicians, charities, organizations, schools, libraries, and the media.
I'm on the other side and I will fight you with everything I have because you crossed the line this time. You took over an organization that was meant to save lives and you gave our donations to scum like Ari Fleischer so he could direct you on how to take down Planned Parenthood. And for the record, I don't think he personally has anything against Planned Parenthood. It's the non-existent WMD's he's shoving down your stupid, gullible throats so you'll turn out and vote against Democrats so he and his Republican thugs can start a war with Iran. Yes, you ARE that stupid and he knows it and uses you like an old whore.
But guess what? By being such assholes over Planned Parenthood, you exposed yourselves. Your pretty pink ribbons have shit all over them right now. You ruined a successful and profitable corporate brand with your religious nutbaggery, and all with the advice of a man who helped run this country into the financial ditch. Great job there, Ari. Planned Parenthood will thrive and the Komen foundation will dry up and blow away.
And in case you didn't get the message, there's simply more of us than you. The last few days showed that. The Occupy Wall Street Movement showed that. You woke us up and there's more of us than you. How fucking stupid. And hell yes we're going to use our new found power against you. If your god didn't want us to, he wouldn't have made you so stupid.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Evolve, you effing morons!
You know they dumped you on us. Every damn country at some point in time, got sick of your meddling crap and decided to round you and your whack job crazy fellow cult members up and ship you off to America. We don't mind a little crazy here, but this inflexibly insane shit is way too much.
And this whole victim thing. It's the age old whine of the asshole. Treat everyone like shit, kill them if they refuse to join your cults, interfere in their lives and infect their politics with your extreme religious crap, and then wahhhh..claim you don't understand why everyone wants to ship you off to another planet.
And you're such cruel teases. Every few months you get our hopes up with this rapture crap and then we wake up and you're still here. Not even your own gods want to spend eternity with you, so that leaves one option you might consider. Learn to walk upright. It's a lot easier on the knuckles. It's called evolution and it's really catching on in the civilized parts of the country, so you might have to leave places like Texas and most of those humid mosquito breeding ponds you call home if you want to join the party. That way you'll quit dragging everyone else down with your ignorance.
And this whole victim thing. It's the age old whine of the asshole. Treat everyone like shit, kill them if they refuse to join your cults, interfere in their lives and infect their politics with your extreme religious crap, and then wahhhh..claim you don't understand why everyone wants to ship you off to another planet.
And you're such cruel teases. Every few months you get our hopes up with this rapture crap and then we wake up and you're still here. Not even your own gods want to spend eternity with you, so that leaves one option you might consider. Learn to walk upright. It's a lot easier on the knuckles. It's called evolution and it's really catching on in the civilized parts of the country, so you might have to leave places like Texas and most of those humid mosquito breeding ponds you call home if you want to join the party. That way you'll quit dragging everyone else down with your ignorance.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Eleven
No War On Christmas is complete without including all the villagers in the fight. Enjoy!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Ten
By now some of you have reached the family home where the rehashing of festering wounds is served alongside the why haven't you of condemnation, and blissfully topped off with lavish displays of you could have this too if you kissed as many asses as I have, and finally consummated with an overdose of STFU. It's a good thing there's only a couple days left before the countdown begins for the next sentimental, with an emphasis on the mental, family gathering.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Nine
The real meaning of xmas, no matter what religion or lack of one you have. It always comes down to this.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Eight
May the flying monkeys gift you with a bad attitude and a whole pile of fruitcakes if you don't laugh your ass off at this lovely tribute to the war on christmas.
Monday, December 19, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Seven
For many of you, this will be the last couple days of peace before you get thrown into the firepit of holy dysfunctional family festivities. If you think I make war on Christmas, you haven't seen anything because there's really nothing that matches the festering resentments waiting to explode over the holiday supper table. Joy to the World! Fuck yeah! May you survive it in one piece.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Six
Note to the rightwingnuts who rub themselves with essence of jeezus before mating with their kinfolk: when you become a parody of your own beliefs, it's time to wake up and smell the horseshit.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Five
After taking day four to honor Christopher Hitchens, it's back to making fun of the pathetic little creatures who want to take over the world with their whining. As I watch them complain that not everyone wants to be part of their cults, and as I watch them try and force their religions on everyone else, I am struck by something so painfully obvious: it sucks to be them. I mean, think about it. If what they believed was so wonderful, so satisfying, so world altering fantastic, why do they have to whine that not everyone wants to be part of it? If it's so good, why aren't they just practicing what they believe and leaving the rest of the world alone? Only really insecure douche bags find so little pleasure in their lives that they have to be mean little shits to everyone else. Maybe they need to accept that the whole god thing just isn't doing it for them. If it was, they'd be like Atheists or other people who don't need imaginary friends to feel complete or moral or ethical. They'd accept the limitations of their own existence and quit looking for others to blame for their shortcomings. They'd realize that no god is going to rescue them from the misery of their empty, meaningless lives, that it's up to them to chart their own destiny. And certainly they'd develop a sense of humor and quit whining about stuff all the time. We'd all be happy if they'd just lighten up and let everyone live as they see fit.
In honor of day five and humor and memories of my own family, I present today's video. If the ability to make this kind of entertainment was around when I lived at home surrounded by multitudes of strange accented English, I would have so made something like this.
In honor of day five and humor and memories of my own family, I present today's video. If the ability to make this kind of entertainment was around when I lived at home surrounded by multitudes of strange accented English, I would have so made something like this.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
War On Xmas, Day Number Three
The real reason there's a war on Christmas is because Christians are selfish and won't share the holidays. They expect EVERYONE, whether they are Jewish, Muslim, Atheists, Pagans, or Noodly to celebrate THEIR holidays. How would they like it if they always had to celebrate other religious holidays that had nothing to do with Christianity? How would they like that? Not very much, I suspect. But that's basically what they expect other people to do...celebrate only the Christian holiday. But fortunately, we still live in a country where they have to share the holidays and it leads to wonderful events such as this:
This year, next to the Christmas tree and nativity scene, residents will see a painting of Santa nailed to a cross, a sign about the fictional Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and a poster describing the Easter Bunny, Jesus Christ and Santa as "myths for young and old." READ MORE
As part of the multicultural experience selfish Christians want to deny the rest of us, here's a lovely celebration I found to share. Yes, it's the 12 days of Christmas, but it's Hawaiian and a whole lot more fun than a bunch of dour rich white Republican/teabagging morons singing the same old crap.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
War On Xmas, Day Number Two
It's day two of the War On Christmas and today's offering is a charming rendition of very special holiday music as farted through the asses of cheerleaders. Is there any better way to say Merry Christmas, Assholes?
I think not. It is such a fitting tribute to those window peepers obsessed with the sex lives of gays, the reading material of mature adults, and the TV viewing habits of people who are obviously having a lot more fun when they don't have to worry over being struck dead for seeing bare skin or for watching programs and movies meant for thinking grownups.
It is my sincere wish for the holidays that this year Christians learn where the off switch is on the television so no one has to pass laws mandating an official hand reach out and turn it off for them. I wish for them to take a break from burning books and actually read one for a change. I sincerely hope they give up on the unhealthy obsession with getting big government involved in other people's sex lives and have themselves a good and wild fuck so they will not be so jealous of everyone else's sexuality. And more than anything, I want them to get their mean, bigoted, racist and paranoid asses out of OUR government and focus on cleaning up the messes within their own walls instead. I mean, seriously...if you google serial killers and religion, you'll see they were mostly good god-fearing killers raised by fundamentally deranged Christian crazies. And that's not even getting into all the priestly obsession with little boys. That list is way too long to include here.
I think not. It is such a fitting tribute to those window peepers obsessed with the sex lives of gays, the reading material of mature adults, and the TV viewing habits of people who are obviously having a lot more fun when they don't have to worry over being struck dead for seeing bare skin or for watching programs and movies meant for thinking grownups.
It is my sincere wish for the holidays that this year Christians learn where the off switch is on the television so no one has to pass laws mandating an official hand reach out and turn it off for them. I wish for them to take a break from burning books and actually read one for a change. I sincerely hope they give up on the unhealthy obsession with getting big government involved in other people's sex lives and have themselves a good and wild fuck so they will not be so jealous of everyone else's sexuality. And more than anything, I want them to get their mean, bigoted, racist and paranoid asses out of OUR government and focus on cleaning up the messes within their own walls instead. I mean, seriously...if you google serial killers and religion, you'll see they were mostly good god-fearing killers raised by fundamentally deranged Christian crazies. And that's not even getting into all the priestly obsession with little boys. That list is way too long to include here.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
War On Xmas, Day Number One
I could barely contain my excitement all day long today as I waited for the numbers on the bottom of my screen to switch over to 12/12/2011 and officially open the War on Christmas. How I need this magical time of year, especially today when I found out that once again I did NOT make Santa's list of naughty little Atheists. And once again, a whole year went by without a single Muslim, Jew, Pagan, Flying Spaghetti Monster, or Atheist knocking on my door trying to talk me into coming over to their dark side. Instead I was annoyed by this abomination: the Republican Jesus! left on my door by one of his evil minions.
It looks like they scrubbed all the brown off him, especially that nasty Middle East brown that could be something not Christian, gave him a haircut and bought him some nifty accessories from some loser in the pool of first ones voted off one of those crappy designer shows.
And a whole slew of those homophobic skinny white boys traveling together, living together, eating together, bathing together, sleeping together to spread the word that Mitt Romney is a member of their cult and if you don't vote for him the gays! Oh the gays! They'll get married or something horrible that will require them to travel together, live together, eat together, bathe together, and sleep together, all while riding a bicycle donated by someone who needed a tax deduction.
But no Jews! Not a single Jew knocked on my door to try and give me the good news about Judaism. Not a single Jew got on TV and whined about how the War on Hanukkah wouldn't let Jewish kids stop everyone else from having bread with their sandwiches.
Not a single Muslim knocked on my door to convert me to Islam. Not one. And I didn't see any Muslims at all on TV complaining that there was a war on Islam because everyone wasn't required to wear a head scarf, no matter what their religion.
This year, just like every year before, it was the Christians who interrupted my dinner by knocking on my door uninvited and forcing their cult on me, whether I wanted them to or not. Not one of them cared about what I believed or didn't believe. They just shoved their way into my privacy and demanded I convert to what THEY believed or I would go to a hell I didn't believe existed. Not one of them could explain that trick to me, about how I could go somewhere I didn't believe existed. And not one of them were amused when I asked them if they saw people falling into a canyon crossing a bridge that did not exist, would they try and cross that bridge too like dumbass lemmings?
But I did see Christians all over the TV with their shows all about their cults, and every single store was playing their cultish music, and the whole shopping thing was so they could spend money buying objects to sacrifice to their mythical being. And soon the whole country would shut down to they could celebrate their Christian holiday, no matter what religion anyone else was. It was Christmas and it was going to be forced down your throat or...or...or...they'd burn you at the fucking stake or something equally representative of their god's love. But you could hardly hear them over all the holiday noise, all the Christian based rituals, all the horrible horrible sappy Christian music because they were screaming so loudly about the War On Christmas!
In light of all that whining hypocrisy, it is pretty much a civil duty, you might say my god given obligation to fight back against their crap with my own version of the War On Christmas. Here is the opening shot. Enjoy.
And a whole slew of those homophobic skinny white boys traveling together, living together, eating together, bathing together, sleeping together to spread the word that Mitt Romney is a member of their cult and if you don't vote for him the gays! Oh the gays! They'll get married or something horrible that will require them to travel together, live together, eat together, bathe together, and sleep together, all while riding a bicycle donated by someone who needed a tax deduction.
But no Jews! Not a single Jew knocked on my door to try and give me the good news about Judaism. Not a single Jew got on TV and whined about how the War on Hanukkah wouldn't let Jewish kids stop everyone else from having bread with their sandwiches.
Not a single Muslim knocked on my door to convert me to Islam. Not one. And I didn't see any Muslims at all on TV complaining that there was a war on Islam because everyone wasn't required to wear a head scarf, no matter what their religion.
This year, just like every year before, it was the Christians who interrupted my dinner by knocking on my door uninvited and forcing their cult on me, whether I wanted them to or not. Not one of them cared about what I believed or didn't believe. They just shoved their way into my privacy and demanded I convert to what THEY believed or I would go to a hell I didn't believe existed. Not one of them could explain that trick to me, about how I could go somewhere I didn't believe existed. And not one of them were amused when I asked them if they saw people falling into a canyon crossing a bridge that did not exist, would they try and cross that bridge too like dumbass lemmings?
But I did see Christians all over the TV with their shows all about their cults, and every single store was playing their cultish music, and the whole shopping thing was so they could spend money buying objects to sacrifice to their mythical being. And soon the whole country would shut down to they could celebrate their Christian holiday, no matter what religion anyone else was. It was Christmas and it was going to be forced down your throat or...or...or...they'd burn you at the fucking stake or something equally representative of their god's love. But you could hardly hear them over all the holiday noise, all the Christian based rituals, all the horrible horrible sappy Christian music because they were screaming so loudly about the War On Christmas!
In light of all that whining hypocrisy, it is pretty much a civil duty, you might say my god given obligation to fight back against their crap with my own version of the War On Christmas. Here is the opening shot. Enjoy.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
When The Rot Takes Hold
After playing the GOP Debate Drinking Game that involved taking a drink every time one of the Republican Crazies invoked their imaginary playmates to help them bring Fascism to America, I ended up wasted and more aware than ever that religion makes people really really stupid. I mean, seriously, how can you believe such insane crap and expect anyone to think you're qualified to be President?
If you can't tell the difference between talking snakes and heads of state, then you're more dangerous than any militant crazy hiding out in a cave somewhere. Most of you on that stage can't find Iraq on a map but think you have the right to inflict your version of god on a country just so you can steal their oil. If your god is so great, how come you have to kill people to make them believe in him?
Guess what? If Jesus existed he'd hate your hypocritical, immoral, lying sack of shit asses for using him to hate everyone who wasn't you or one of your small little inbred circle of cretins. When I see supposed Christians like Bachmann, Perry, and that slimy Golum, Gingrich, I see a crowd of disgusting hypocrites who found a way to steal money from people even dumber than themselves.
They created a religion called "politics" and they're now using it to pick pockets daily. They know there's people so dumb, so brainwashed by the pulpit pimps that they'll let them steal anything as long as they claim to have god on their side. And they always throw a good raw hunk of hate to the congregation because that's what the knuckle-dragging mouth breathers slop up.
But you can only take stupid so far before even it begins to turn on you. Every time one of these jeezus whores opens their mouths and goes on about the Bible says this and the Bible says that in order to enforce their hateful little world views, you know two things: one, that they've never actually read the Bible themselves, and secondly, that each time they speak, a little bell goes off in the rest of the population and another Atheist is created.
Just keep talking your stupid shit and you'll eventually be as extinct as the dinosaurs on your ark, because no one wants to follow a religion that makes them as intolerably stupid as today's Christian-Tealiban-Americans.
If you can't tell the difference between talking snakes and heads of state, then you're more dangerous than any militant crazy hiding out in a cave somewhere. Most of you on that stage can't find Iraq on a map but think you have the right to inflict your version of god on a country just so you can steal their oil. If your god is so great, how come you have to kill people to make them believe in him?
Guess what? If Jesus existed he'd hate your hypocritical, immoral, lying sack of shit asses for using him to hate everyone who wasn't you or one of your small little inbred circle of cretins. When I see supposed Christians like Bachmann, Perry, and that slimy Golum, Gingrich, I see a crowd of disgusting hypocrites who found a way to steal money from people even dumber than themselves.
They created a religion called "politics" and they're now using it to pick pockets daily. They know there's people so dumb, so brainwashed by the pulpit pimps that they'll let them steal anything as long as they claim to have god on their side. And they always throw a good raw hunk of hate to the congregation because that's what the knuckle-dragging mouth breathers slop up.
But you can only take stupid so far before even it begins to turn on you. Every time one of these jeezus whores opens their mouths and goes on about the Bible says this and the Bible says that in order to enforce their hateful little world views, you know two things: one, that they've never actually read the Bible themselves, and secondly, that each time they speak, a little bell goes off in the rest of the population and another Atheist is created.
Just keep talking your stupid shit and you'll eventually be as extinct as the dinosaurs on your ark, because no one wants to follow a religion that makes them as intolerably stupid as today's Christian-Tealiban-Americans.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Get yourself some of that rapture cult money!
How many remember the bleating hysterics who built bunkers to escape the horrifying terror of Y2K? They ran around like stampeded sheep trying to escape the terrifying beast no one except eighty year old computer programmers understood?
Setting aside the possibility that many of them may still be locked down underneath the earth waiting for the gays and Atheists to die off, and looking away guiltily if someone asks if you really did nail their bunker doors shut to make sure they never escaped, those packages of freeze-dried barely edible crap and barrels of by now fecund drinking water are probably close to running out.
When they emerge like pale, petrified moles with foot long nails and matted beards, there's a good chance they're going to be more than a bit pissed off that the world didn't end and they lived in a dank hole for over a decade for nothing. That means everyone who accumulated mass bucks selling them faux food and barrels of tap water will not be getting repeat customers.
That's where the rapture crazies come in. Think about it. There's a whole new market waiting to be exploited. Imagine the possibilities! Personal submarines to escape the apocalyptic floods, asbestos tubes to protect them from the hellfire on earth, and all kinds of businesses to take care of pets, exchanging current spouses in favor of newer models more suitable for breeding and populating the afterlife. And liquidating all those burdensome homes, cars, boats, RVs, and collectible plates with eagles and the statue of liberty engraved in gold flake. The potential income is limited only by your ethics and sense of morality. Use their current preachers/churches as models and those things won't get in your way because they've demonstrated how useless they truly are in such a consumer-driven earth home.
But of course, as in all money making endeavors, there's the bottom feeders. For you who are always waiting for the moment to "invest" in someone else's fear, insecurities, and desire for vengeance, there is this video to educate you on the basics.
Setting aside the possibility that many of them may still be locked down underneath the earth waiting for the gays and Atheists to die off, and looking away guiltily if someone asks if you really did nail their bunker doors shut to make sure they never escaped, those packages of freeze-dried barely edible crap and barrels of by now fecund drinking water are probably close to running out.
When they emerge like pale, petrified moles with foot long nails and matted beards, there's a good chance they're going to be more than a bit pissed off that the world didn't end and they lived in a dank hole for over a decade for nothing. That means everyone who accumulated mass bucks selling them faux food and barrels of tap water will not be getting repeat customers.
That's where the rapture crazies come in. Think about it. There's a whole new market waiting to be exploited. Imagine the possibilities! Personal submarines to escape the apocalyptic floods, asbestos tubes to protect them from the hellfire on earth, and all kinds of businesses to take care of pets, exchanging current spouses in favor of newer models more suitable for breeding and populating the afterlife. And liquidating all those burdensome homes, cars, boats, RVs, and collectible plates with eagles and the statue of liberty engraved in gold flake. The potential income is limited only by your ethics and sense of morality. Use their current preachers/churches as models and those things won't get in your way because they've demonstrated how useless they truly are in such a consumer-driven earth home.
But of course, as in all money making endeavors, there's the bottom feeders. For you who are always waiting for the moment to "invest" in someone else's fear, insecurities, and desire for vengeance, there is this video to educate you on the basics.
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