The Business Of Jesus

The other day I had a very interesting discussion with an atheist who thought it was a bad idea to tax churches. His reasoning was that with taxation comes representation, and that once churches are taxed then they would demand to be represented in government.

Represented? How much more represented can they be? Every President  has had to drag his religion behind him like some public cross in order to get elected. We have never had a Jewish President, nor in spite of the silly claims by the knuckledragging baggers, a Muslim President (sorry folks, but he's a Christian), nor a Hindu, Buddhist, Pagan, nor any other group professing any kind of belief in something "out there" that wasn't Christian, and we've certainly never had an atheist President.

We do have churches who spend more money outside their congregations buying politicians, trying to keep gays from getting married, and trying to influence what goes on in our bedrooms, what we watch on TV and the movies, what we read in books and what we learn in school, than they do on their own members. If we're going to tax churches, let's start by taxing money that is not spent on church members. That leaves most of what they rake in using god as their cover story.

And speaking of money outside the churches, how about taxing the profits from the business end of the churches? No organization that hides behind tax-free status should be allowed to accumulate untold wealth in what are strictly business investments. If they sell something, whether it's books, bumper stickers, real estate, bonds, stocks, anything that gives them a return that is not put back into the membership, then that is income and should be taxed. Especially if it's blatant crap like  THIS.  Jesus would slap your greedy asses to hell if he existed.

Basically if a church is not devoted to helping the poor, the homeless, the sick, the orphaned, then they have strayed from the path that led to tax-exempt status. And if they're spending millions to interfere in the rights of other people, then every dime of that should be taxed. If they're spending millions to subvert the civil and equal rights of any minority, then not only should they be taxed but they should also be fined. And if in return churches demand a seat at the government table, then do it openly and honestly and become a political party and let the people vote on exactly how much representation churches get at that table.

But most of all, if churches are going to demand everyone follow their ideology and agenda, then they have to prove they have the numbers to lead the way, and right now the only thing standing in their way is religion, or rather...lots of religions. Before any one religion can rule, they have to take out their own competition and that means they have to make war on each other, kind of like Romney-Mormon and Santorum-Catholic are doing now. I cant' see Romney worshipping the Pope anymore than I can see Santorum wearing magic underwear. And I haven't even included the absolutely mind fuck crazy Baptists in there who believe both of them belong to cults.

But when the dust settles and if there is a winner instead of a whole bunch of beat up losers, then tax the crap out of them until they keep their religion inside their churches and homes and out of our governments, schools, libraries, universities, laboratories, and bodies.

I Lion Christians by godless_heathen
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The Rap Guide to Evolution

Jesus and James Tillich

Who is James Tillich? Here is his story told to his best friend and life-long confidante, Paul Ewing.

James Tillich was born in a college philosophy class in December of 2006. A student suggested the name "James Tillich" as an incorrect option on part of a hypothetical test question. Upon hearing the name "James Tillich" the instructor burst out laughing and said, "There never has been a James Tillich." He immediately went over to the computer and Googled an exact word search for "James Tillich". Both instructor and class were amazed when "No results found" popped up. Later that night one student searched both English and German databases. Results? Zip. Nada. Nechevo. Nothing. There was no trace of such a person ever having existed. The instructor decided, "Well if he never existed, then I'll create him."

James Tillich now has a Facebook page, twitter account, blogs, MySpace, and his art, photography, and videos can be found in many places online. Every year, on March 15, the Ides of March, his devoted non-followers Google his name at precisely 11:30 pm and therefore add to his non-existence, which now numbers in the millions.

What fascinates me about this whole process is how easy it was to create an online identity for someone who never and still does not exist. He will most certainly be running for President too although you won't find him on any ballots because, well...he just doesn't exist in the kind of form that can go and shake hands and get himself bought by corporate lobbyists. He's more of a behind the scenes kind of guy.

But the most fascinating thing about all this is its parallels to the creation of another meme who never and still does not exist, but he was created the same way as James Tillich, and that's Jesus. Think about it. It's the exact same process using different tools and for different purposes, but the end result is the same: something that does not exist but attracts a lot of people who put effort into making others think it does.

The difference here, and it's a crucial difference, is that James Tillich was created out of a sense of fun and also the desire to educate others about what really constitutes truth in the material world. It's fun designing t-shirts for Mr. Tillich. I love putting together a whole set of campaign swag for him to run for president. There's a spirit of camaraderie, much as patients in an institution share over having pulled one over on the staff.

And if a thousand years from now someone tries to form a religion around his mythical non-beingness, they won't find any hateful agenda, any controlling body of haters, any words used as weapons to subjugate and control because James Tillich was not the creation of some medieval douchebags sitting around trying to figure out how to control anyone who wasn't male, white, and evil.

James Tillich will never inspire the kind of followers the creators of Jesus inspired because James Tillich's only agenda was fun and it continues to be fun. And also to demonstrate that even if someone has over a million links to him on the internet, it doesn't mean he exists anywhere else but cyberspace,  or in the minds of the terminally weird, strange, and mentally deranged. And the religious. Let us not forget the religious whackjobs for without them, we'd have only boring reality and they'd have only each other to annoy. And there'd be no need to create James Tillich to remind them to lighten up, already. There's room on this planet for everyone's hallucinations to live in peace and harmony.

My Name Is James Tillich by godless_heathen
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The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever

Waking Up The Majority

For most of my adult life I've made no secret of my atheism. I came to it honestly by being someone who prefers to do my own thinking, and who has a healthy disdain for those who set themselves up as the filters for someone else's life experiences.

I've never tried to convert others to atheism because I don't need to. I'm satisfied with it. It completes me and gives me a moral and ethical base that is not dependent on anything outside of myself. I don't have religion as an excuse so I have to answer to myself, to that person in the mirror who asks, can you live with the consequences of your actions?

Before I act, I'm always aware I have to answer not only to myself, but also to the people I love and cherish who would be hurt by my actions or who would feel unloved or unappreciated or wronged by them. In place of the bible, I have kindness, I have compassion, I have love, and I have a never ending quest to be the most unselfish, more caring person I can possibly be before I leave this life. I aspire to be good not for a god or for a religion, but because I see that as an admirable goal to accomplish as a human being.

As an atheist, I can't run to a preacher to beg forgiveness so I have to draw on my personal knowledge of right and wrong,  and like every creature on this planet, those experiences were learned and stored from material specific to us and who we are, and who we were, and who we will become. Religion takes away the immediacy of those lessons and turns them into excuses. I always felt it was important to keep them close at hand so they would be available when needed.

With all the information and knowledge I've accumulated in my lifetime, there's plenty to draw from in order to resolve just about any human dilemma I'm faced with, so I don't need to sit in a church and have someone use those experiences to justify their own agenda.  I don't need to go knocking on doors, or preach from any pulpits, nor go anywhere to convert supposed savages that are already perfectly content with what they believe or don't believe,  and who don't need me interfering in their lives with my personal agenda.

My relationship with religion and its followers has been one of not caring what people believe as long as they didn't try to force it down the throats of others against their will. As an educated person I am informed about the legal right bestowed upon the citizens of this country to freely practice their religion, and also to be free to not practice any religion. And because I actually studied history instead of getting it regurgitated second hand by some pulpit pounder with a political agenda, I know that the worst tyranny a government can inflict on a people is legislating by religion instead of law.

Like many people in this country who were and continue to be perfectly content with our beliefs or lack of them, I became complacent. Because I didn't force my biases, my points of view, my agenda on others, I believed those  who were religious would be content with being allowed to practice their beliefs and leave me alone.

Then along came Religion as a political party. Whatever god  believers prayed to took second place to the political agenda that grew out an ignorance that saw no other truth but their own, and a cabal of wealthy bankster funded politicians who saw the poorly educated and easily led as a tool to promote their own agenda. It was a lot like herding sheep but at least real sheep occasionally broke out and stampeded once in a while.

But not these sheep. They weren't content to live and let live. They began to demand everyone live according to their beliefs, not even seeing the complete and total stupidity of thinking everyone was just like them. In their world, everyone was just like them. They were all white or all black or all Christian or all some other religion, cultist, or party member. Diversity has and always will be a threat to those who need everyone around them to look and act just the same.

But even seeing this, even seeing the politicians, especially the Republicans, use this to brainwash, scare, and intimidate these easily manipulated sheep-like humans to help them rob the country blind, I was still so content in my own sane world, that I failed to completely see their insanity.

Of course, I fought against the most obvious aspects of it by mocking it, by turning it into a joke, my making it seem like something only a few not right in the head folks would participate in willingly. Religious fanatics make easy targets for just about everyone, and they can be used by other fanatics to murder, maim, and fly planes into buildings for them. I had and will continue to have fun with this side of religious fanaticism.

In spite of the seriousness of religious tyranny throughout history, I still felt the smugness of the majority and tended to ignore the real dimwit bible thumpers as insignificant. I'm still in the majority but after the last week when an organization devoted to women's health suddenly joined the war against women, it's no longer a silent majority. I have a message for the religious crazies who want to force their beliefs on everyone else.

If you crazy religious nutbags want a war, then you have it. I'm not going to sit back and make fun of you anymore without also fighting you every step of the way. I'm going to call every single one of my representatives every time one of you religious crazies try and pass a law interfering with my rights, whether they be rights to determine the fate of my own body, the books I read, the movies I watch, the television shows I choose to let into my living room. No longer will  manipulated little minions be the only voices putting pressure on politicians, charities, organizations, schools, libraries, and the media.

I'm on the other side and I will fight you with everything I have because you crossed the line this time. You took over an organization that was meant to save lives and you gave our donations to scum like Ari Fleischer  so he could direct you on how to take down Planned Parenthood. And for the record, I don't think he personally has anything against Planned Parenthood. It's the non-existent WMD's he's shoving down your stupid, gullible throats so you'll turn out and vote against Democrats so he and his Republican thugs can start a war with Iran. Yes, you ARE that stupid and he knows it and uses you like an old whore.

But guess what? By being such assholes over Planned Parenthood, you exposed yourselves. Your pretty pink ribbons have shit all over them right now. You ruined a successful and profitable corporate brand with your religious nutbaggery, and all with the advice of a man who helped run this country into the financial ditch. Great job there, Ari. Planned Parenthood will thrive and the Komen foundation will dry up and blow away.

And in case you didn't get the message, there's simply more of us than you. The last few days showed that. The Occupy Wall Street Movement showed that. You woke us up and there's more of us than you. How fucking stupid. And hell yes we're going to use our new found power against you. If your god didn't want us to, he wouldn't have made you so stupid.

Evolution Of The Smartest by godless_heathen
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Evolve, you effing morons!

You know they dumped you on us. Every damn country at some point in time, got sick of your meddling crap and decided to round  you and your whack job crazy fellow cult members up and ship you off to America.  We don't mind a little crazy here, but this inflexibly insane shit is way too much.

And this whole victim thing. It's the age old whine of the asshole. Treat everyone like shit, kill them if they refuse to join your cults, interfere in their lives and infect their politics with your extreme religious crap, and then wahhhh..claim you don't understand why everyone wants to ship you off to another planet.

 And you're such cruel teases. Every few months you get our hopes up with this rapture crap and then we wake up and you're still here. Not even your own gods want to spend eternity with you, so that leaves one option you might consider. Learn to walk upright. It's a lot easier on the knuckles. It's called evolution and it's really catching on in the civilized parts of the country, so you might have to leave places like Texas and most of those humid mosquito breeding ponds you call home if you want to join the party. That way you'll quit dragging everyone else down with your ignorance.

Get Over It by godless_heathen
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Ho Ho Ho, it's day twelve!

Christmas Hotdog by Crazy_Card_Lady
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War On Christmas, Day Number Eleven

No War On Christmas is complete without including all the villagers in the fight. Enjoy!

Drink Up Bitches by orsobear
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War On Christmas, Day Number Ten

By now some of you have reached the family home where the rehashing of festering wounds is served alongside the why haven't you of condemnation, and blissfully topped off with lavish displays of you could have this too if you kissed as many asses as I have, and finally consummated with an overdose of STFU. It's a good thing there's only a couple days left before the countdown begins for the next sentimental, with an emphasis on the mental, family gathering.

Dark Soul Skull by orsobear
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War On Christmas, Day Number Nine

The real meaning of xmas, no matter what religion or lack of one you have. It always comes down to this.

Christmas Money Tree by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas, Day Number Eight

May the flying monkeys gift you with a bad attitude and a whole pile of fruitcakes if you don't laugh your ass off at this lovely tribute to the war on christmas.

Flying Skull Monkey by orsobear
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War On Christmas, Day Number Seven

For many of you, this will be the last couple days of peace before you get thrown into the firepit of holy dysfunctional family festivities. If you think I make war on Christmas, you haven't seen anything because there's really nothing that matches the festering resentments waiting to explode over the holiday supper table. Joy to the World! Fuck yeah! May you survive it in one piece.

Feast of Dysfunction by Crazy_Card_Lady
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War On Christmas, Day Number Six

Note to the rightwingnuts who rub themselves with essence of jeezus before mating with their kinfolk: when you become a parody of your own beliefs, it's time to wake up and smell the horseshit.

Pro-Evolution by godless_heathen
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War On Christmas, Day Number Five

After taking day four to honor Christopher Hitchens, it's back to making fun of the pathetic little creatures who want to take over the world with their whining. As I watch them complain that not everyone wants to be part of their cults, and as I watch them try and force their religions on everyone else, I am struck by something so painfully obvious: it sucks to be them.  I mean, think about it. If what they believed was so wonderful, so satisfying, so world altering fantastic, why do they have to whine that not everyone wants to be part of it? If it's so good, why aren't they just practicing what they believe and leaving the rest of the world alone? Only really insecure douche bags find so little pleasure in their lives that they have to be mean little shits to everyone else. Maybe they need to accept that the whole god thing just isn't doing it for them. If it was, they'd be like Atheists or other people who don't need imaginary friends to feel complete or moral or ethical. They'd accept the limitations of their own existence and quit looking for others to blame for their shortcomings. They'd realize that no god is going to rescue them from the misery of their empty, meaningless lives, that it's up to them to chart their own destiny. And certainly they'd develop a sense of humor and quit whining about stuff all the time. We'd all be happy if they'd just lighten up and let everyone live as they see fit.

In honor of day five and humor and memories of my own family, I present today's video. If the ability to make this kind of entertainment was around when I lived at home  surrounded by  multitudes of strange accented English, I would have so made something like this.

Evolution Of The Smartest by godless_heathen
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War On Xmas, Day Number One

I could barely contain my excitement all day long today as I waited for the numbers on the bottom of my screen to switch over to 12/12/2011 and officially open the War on Christmas. How I need this magical time of year, especially today when I found out that once again I did NOT make Santa's list of naughty little Atheists. And once again, a whole year went by without a single Muslim, Jew, Pagan, Flying Spaghetti Monster, or Atheist knocking on my door trying to talk me into coming over to their dark side. Instead I was annoyed by this abomination: the Republican Jesus! left on my door by one of his evil minions.

It looks like they scrubbed all the brown off him, especially that nasty Middle East brown that could be something not Christian, gave him a haircut and bought him some nifty accessories from some loser in the pool of first ones voted off one of those crappy designer shows.

And a whole slew of those homophobic skinny white boys traveling together, living together, eating together, bathing together, sleeping together to spread the word that Mitt Romney is a member of their cult and if you don't vote for him the gays! Oh the gays! They'll get married or something horrible that will require them to travel together, live together, eat together, bathe together, and sleep together, all while riding a bicycle donated by someone who needed a tax deduction.

But no Jews! Not a single Jew knocked on my door to try and give me the good news about Judaism. Not a single Jew got on TV and whined about how the War on Hanukkah wouldn't let Jewish kids stop everyone else from having bread with their sandwiches.

Not a single Muslim knocked on my door to convert me to Islam. Not one. And I didn't see any Muslims at all on TV complaining that there was a war on Islam because everyone wasn't required to wear a head scarf, no matter what their religion.

This year, just like every year before, it was the Christians who interrupted my dinner by knocking on my door uninvited and forcing their cult on me, whether I wanted them to or not. Not one of them cared about what I believed or didn't believe. They just shoved their way into my privacy and demanded I convert to what THEY believed or I would go to a hell I didn't believe existed. Not one of them could explain that trick to me, about how I could go somewhere I didn't believe existed. And not one of them were amused when I asked them if they saw people falling into a canyon crossing a bridge that did not exist, would they try and cross that bridge too like dumbass lemmings?

But I did see Christians all over the TV with their shows all about their cults, and every single store was playing their cultish music, and the whole shopping thing was so they could spend money buying objects to sacrifice to their mythical being. And soon the whole country would shut down to they could celebrate their Christian holiday, no matter what religion anyone else was. It was Christmas and it was going to be forced down your throat or...or...or...they'd burn you at the fucking stake or something equally representative of their god's love. But you could hardly hear them over all the holiday noise, all the Christian based rituals, all the horrible horrible sappy Christian music because they were screaming so loudly about the War On Christmas!

In light of all that whining hypocrisy, it is pretty much a civil duty, you might say my god given obligation to fight back against their crap with my own version of the War On Christmas. Here is the opening shot. Enjoy.

Gingerbread On A Cross by godless_heathen
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When No Means No

I don't know where crazy ass christians got the idea that if they just bothered you enough, you'd somehow give in. The whole idea that forcing your beliefs on someone is annoying just whizzes right by their poor brainwashed heads.

Get a clue, guys. There's a reason you don't see Atheists knocking on doors asking you to celebrate nothing. Because it's all in your heads, you morons! You believe some book written by people who believed the earth was flat. How stupid is that?

Jesus and all your imaginary playmates are hallucinations from bad food or something you swallowed, and it's rude to demand others share in your hallucinations.

Jesus Stew by godless_heathen
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