May the flying monkeys gift you with a bad attitude and a whole pile of fruitcakes if you don't laugh your ass off at this lovely tribute to the war on christmas.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Seven
For many of you, this will be the last couple days of peace before you get thrown into the firepit of holy dysfunctional family festivities. If you think I make war on Christmas, you haven't seen anything because there's really nothing that matches the festering resentments waiting to explode over the holiday supper table. Joy to the World! Fuck yeah! May you survive it in one piece.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Six
Note to the rightwingnuts who rub themselves with essence of jeezus before mating with their kinfolk: when you become a parody of your own beliefs, it's time to wake up and smell the horseshit.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
War On Christmas, Day Number Five
After taking day four to honor Christopher Hitchens, it's back to making fun of the pathetic little creatures who want to take over the world with their whining. As I watch them complain that not everyone wants to be part of their cults, and as I watch them try and force their religions on everyone else, I am struck by something so painfully obvious: it sucks to be them. I mean, think about it. If what they believed was so wonderful, so satisfying, so world altering fantastic, why do they have to whine that not everyone wants to be part of it? If it's so good, why aren't they just practicing what they believe and leaving the rest of the world alone? Only really insecure douche bags find so little pleasure in their lives that they have to be mean little shits to everyone else. Maybe they need to accept that the whole god thing just isn't doing it for them. If it was, they'd be like Atheists or other people who don't need imaginary friends to feel complete or moral or ethical. They'd accept the limitations of their own existence and quit looking for others to blame for their shortcomings. They'd realize that no god is going to rescue them from the misery of their empty, meaningless lives, that it's up to them to chart their own destiny. And certainly they'd develop a sense of humor and quit whining about stuff all the time. We'd all be happy if they'd just lighten up and let everyone live as they see fit.
In honor of day five and humor and memories of my own family, I present today's video. If the ability to make this kind of entertainment was around when I lived at home surrounded by multitudes of strange accented English, I would have so made something like this.
In honor of day five and humor and memories of my own family, I present today's video. If the ability to make this kind of entertainment was around when I lived at home surrounded by multitudes of strange accented English, I would have so made something like this.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
War On Xmas, Day Number Three
The real reason there's a war on Christmas is because Christians are selfish and won't share the holidays. They expect EVERYONE, whether they are Jewish, Muslim, Atheists, Pagans, or Noodly to celebrate THEIR holidays. How would they like it if they always had to celebrate other religious holidays that had nothing to do with Christianity? How would they like that? Not very much, I suspect. But that's basically what they expect other people to do...celebrate only the Christian holiday. But fortunately, we still live in a country where they have to share the holidays and it leads to wonderful events such as this:
This year, next to the Christmas tree and nativity scene, residents will see a painting of Santa nailed to a cross, a sign about the fictional Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and a poster describing the Easter Bunny, Jesus Christ and Santa as "myths for young and old." READ MORE
As part of the multicultural experience selfish Christians want to deny the rest of us, here's a lovely celebration I found to share. Yes, it's the 12 days of Christmas, but it's Hawaiian and a whole lot more fun than a bunch of dour rich white Republican/teabagging morons singing the same old crap.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
War On Xmas, Day Number Two
It's day two of the War On Christmas and today's offering is a charming rendition of very special holiday music as farted through the asses of cheerleaders. Is there any better way to say Merry Christmas, Assholes?
I think not. It is such a fitting tribute to those window peepers obsessed with the sex lives of gays, the reading material of mature adults, and the TV viewing habits of people who are obviously having a lot more fun when they don't have to worry over being struck dead for seeing bare skin or for watching programs and movies meant for thinking grownups.
It is my sincere wish for the holidays that this year Christians learn where the off switch is on the television so no one has to pass laws mandating an official hand reach out and turn it off for them. I wish for them to take a break from burning books and actually read one for a change. I sincerely hope they give up on the unhealthy obsession with getting big government involved in other people's sex lives and have themselves a good and wild fuck so they will not be so jealous of everyone else's sexuality. And more than anything, I want them to get their mean, bigoted, racist and paranoid asses out of OUR government and focus on cleaning up the messes within their own walls instead. I mean, seriously...if you google serial killers and religion, you'll see they were mostly good god-fearing killers raised by fundamentally deranged Christian crazies. And that's not even getting into all the priestly obsession with little boys. That list is way too long to include here.
I think not. It is such a fitting tribute to those window peepers obsessed with the sex lives of gays, the reading material of mature adults, and the TV viewing habits of people who are obviously having a lot more fun when they don't have to worry over being struck dead for seeing bare skin or for watching programs and movies meant for thinking grownups.
It is my sincere wish for the holidays that this year Christians learn where the off switch is on the television so no one has to pass laws mandating an official hand reach out and turn it off for them. I wish for them to take a break from burning books and actually read one for a change. I sincerely hope they give up on the unhealthy obsession with getting big government involved in other people's sex lives and have themselves a good and wild fuck so they will not be so jealous of everyone else's sexuality. And more than anything, I want them to get their mean, bigoted, racist and paranoid asses out of OUR government and focus on cleaning up the messes within their own walls instead. I mean, seriously...if you google serial killers and religion, you'll see they were mostly good god-fearing killers raised by fundamentally deranged Christian crazies. And that's not even getting into all the priestly obsession with little boys. That list is way too long to include here.
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