After taking day four to honor Christopher Hitchens, it's back to making fun of the pathetic little creatures who want to take over the world with their whining. As I watch them complain that not everyone wants to be part of their cults, and as I watch them try and force their religions on everyone else, I am struck by something so painfully obvious: it sucks to be them. I mean, think about it. If what they believed was so wonderful, so satisfying, so world altering fantastic, why do they have to whine that not everyone wants to be part of it? If it's so good, why aren't they just practicing what they believe and leaving the rest of the world alone? Only really insecure douche bags find so little pleasure in their lives that they have to be mean little shits to everyone else. Maybe they need to accept that the whole god thing just isn't doing it for them. If it was, they'd be like Atheists or other people who don't need imaginary friends to feel complete or moral or ethical. They'd accept the limitations of their own existence and quit looking for others to blame for their shortcomings. They'd realize that no god is going to rescue them from the misery of their empty, meaningless lives, that it's up to them to chart their own destiny. And certainly they'd develop a sense of humor and quit whining about stuff all the time. We'd all be happy if they'd just lighten up and let everyone live as they see fit.
In honor of day five and humor and memories of my own family, I present today's video. If the ability to make this kind of entertainment was around when I lived at home surrounded by multitudes of strange accented English, I would have so made something like this.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
War On Xmas, Day Number Three
The real reason there's a war on Christmas is because Christians are selfish and won't share the holidays. They expect EVERYONE, whether they are Jewish, Muslim, Atheists, Pagans, or Noodly to celebrate THEIR holidays. How would they like it if they always had to celebrate other religious holidays that had nothing to do with Christianity? How would they like that? Not very much, I suspect. But that's basically what they expect other people to do...celebrate only the Christian holiday. But fortunately, we still live in a country where they have to share the holidays and it leads to wonderful events such as this:
This year, next to the Christmas tree and nativity scene, residents will see a painting of Santa nailed to a cross, a sign about the fictional Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and a poster describing the Easter Bunny, Jesus Christ and Santa as "myths for young and old." READ MORE
As part of the multicultural experience selfish Christians want to deny the rest of us, here's a lovely celebration I found to share. Yes, it's the 12 days of Christmas, but it's Hawaiian and a whole lot more fun than a bunch of dour rich white Republican/teabagging morons singing the same old crap.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
War On Xmas, Day Number Two
It's day two of the War On Christmas and today's offering is a charming rendition of very special holiday music as farted through the asses of cheerleaders. Is there any better way to say Merry Christmas, Assholes?
I think not. It is such a fitting tribute to those window peepers obsessed with the sex lives of gays, the reading material of mature adults, and the TV viewing habits of people who are obviously having a lot more fun when they don't have to worry over being struck dead for seeing bare skin or for watching programs and movies meant for thinking grownups.
It is my sincere wish for the holidays that this year Christians learn where the off switch is on the television so no one has to pass laws mandating an official hand reach out and turn it off for them. I wish for them to take a break from burning books and actually read one for a change. I sincerely hope they give up on the unhealthy obsession with getting big government involved in other people's sex lives and have themselves a good and wild fuck so they will not be so jealous of everyone else's sexuality. And more than anything, I want them to get their mean, bigoted, racist and paranoid asses out of OUR government and focus on cleaning up the messes within their own walls instead. I mean, seriously...if you google serial killers and religion, you'll see they were mostly good god-fearing killers raised by fundamentally deranged Christian crazies. And that's not even getting into all the priestly obsession with little boys. That list is way too long to include here.
I think not. It is such a fitting tribute to those window peepers obsessed with the sex lives of gays, the reading material of mature adults, and the TV viewing habits of people who are obviously having a lot more fun when they don't have to worry over being struck dead for seeing bare skin or for watching programs and movies meant for thinking grownups.
It is my sincere wish for the holidays that this year Christians learn where the off switch is on the television so no one has to pass laws mandating an official hand reach out and turn it off for them. I wish for them to take a break from burning books and actually read one for a change. I sincerely hope they give up on the unhealthy obsession with getting big government involved in other people's sex lives and have themselves a good and wild fuck so they will not be so jealous of everyone else's sexuality. And more than anything, I want them to get their mean, bigoted, racist and paranoid asses out of OUR government and focus on cleaning up the messes within their own walls instead. I mean, seriously...if you google serial killers and religion, you'll see they were mostly good god-fearing killers raised by fundamentally deranged Christian crazies. And that's not even getting into all the priestly obsession with little boys. That list is way too long to include here.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
War On Xmas, Day Number One
I could barely contain my excitement all day long today as I waited for the numbers on the bottom of my screen to switch over to 12/12/2011 and officially open the War on Christmas. How I need this magical time of year, especially today when I found out that once again I did NOT make Santa's list of naughty little Atheists. And once again, a whole year went by without a single Muslim, Jew, Pagan, Flying Spaghetti Monster, or Atheist knocking on my door trying to talk me into coming over to their dark side. Instead I was annoyed by this abomination: the Republican Jesus! left on my door by one of his evil minions.
It looks like they scrubbed all the brown off him, especially that nasty Middle East brown that could be something not Christian, gave him a haircut and bought him some nifty accessories from some loser in the pool of first ones voted off one of those crappy designer shows.
And a whole slew of those homophobic skinny white boys traveling together, living together, eating together, bathing together, sleeping together to spread the word that Mitt Romney is a member of their cult and if you don't vote for him the gays! Oh the gays! They'll get married or something horrible that will require them to travel together, live together, eat together, bathe together, and sleep together, all while riding a bicycle donated by someone who needed a tax deduction.
But no Jews! Not a single Jew knocked on my door to try and give me the good news about Judaism. Not a single Jew got on TV and whined about how the War on Hanukkah wouldn't let Jewish kids stop everyone else from having bread with their sandwiches.
Not a single Muslim knocked on my door to convert me to Islam. Not one. And I didn't see any Muslims at all on TV complaining that there was a war on Islam because everyone wasn't required to wear a head scarf, no matter what their religion.
This year, just like every year before, it was the Christians who interrupted my dinner by knocking on my door uninvited and forcing their cult on me, whether I wanted them to or not. Not one of them cared about what I believed or didn't believe. They just shoved their way into my privacy and demanded I convert to what THEY believed or I would go to a hell I didn't believe existed. Not one of them could explain that trick to me, about how I could go somewhere I didn't believe existed. And not one of them were amused when I asked them if they saw people falling into a canyon crossing a bridge that did not exist, would they try and cross that bridge too like dumbass lemmings?
But I did see Christians all over the TV with their shows all about their cults, and every single store was playing their cultish music, and the whole shopping thing was so they could spend money buying objects to sacrifice to their mythical being. And soon the whole country would shut down to they could celebrate their Christian holiday, no matter what religion anyone else was. It was Christmas and it was going to be forced down your throat or...or...or...they'd burn you at the fucking stake or something equally representative of their god's love. But you could hardly hear them over all the holiday noise, all the Christian based rituals, all the horrible horrible sappy Christian music because they were screaming so loudly about the War On Christmas!
In light of all that whining hypocrisy, it is pretty much a civil duty, you might say my god given obligation to fight back against their crap with my own version of the War On Christmas. Here is the opening shot. Enjoy.
And a whole slew of those homophobic skinny white boys traveling together, living together, eating together, bathing together, sleeping together to spread the word that Mitt Romney is a member of their cult and if you don't vote for him the gays! Oh the gays! They'll get married or something horrible that will require them to travel together, live together, eat together, bathe together, and sleep together, all while riding a bicycle donated by someone who needed a tax deduction.
But no Jews! Not a single Jew knocked on my door to try and give me the good news about Judaism. Not a single Jew got on TV and whined about how the War on Hanukkah wouldn't let Jewish kids stop everyone else from having bread with their sandwiches.
Not a single Muslim knocked on my door to convert me to Islam. Not one. And I didn't see any Muslims at all on TV complaining that there was a war on Islam because everyone wasn't required to wear a head scarf, no matter what their religion.
This year, just like every year before, it was the Christians who interrupted my dinner by knocking on my door uninvited and forcing their cult on me, whether I wanted them to or not. Not one of them cared about what I believed or didn't believe. They just shoved their way into my privacy and demanded I convert to what THEY believed or I would go to a hell I didn't believe existed. Not one of them could explain that trick to me, about how I could go somewhere I didn't believe existed. And not one of them were amused when I asked them if they saw people falling into a canyon crossing a bridge that did not exist, would they try and cross that bridge too like dumbass lemmings?
But I did see Christians all over the TV with their shows all about their cults, and every single store was playing their cultish music, and the whole shopping thing was so they could spend money buying objects to sacrifice to their mythical being. And soon the whole country would shut down to they could celebrate their Christian holiday, no matter what religion anyone else was. It was Christmas and it was going to be forced down your throat or...or...or...they'd burn you at the fucking stake or something equally representative of their god's love. But you could hardly hear them over all the holiday noise, all the Christian based rituals, all the horrible horrible sappy Christian music because they were screaming so loudly about the War On Christmas!
In light of all that whining hypocrisy, it is pretty much a civil duty, you might say my god given obligation to fight back against their crap with my own version of the War On Christmas. Here is the opening shot. Enjoy.
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