Welcome to the Crazy Ass Bear's Find of the Day

There be weird monsters beyond this point and most of them go by names such as Teahadists, Palibanists, Morans, Goposaurs, Tealiban, and Al-Qrazy. I'll share some of the silliest ones who deserve to have a light shined on their stupidity.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Get yourself some of that rapture cult money!

How many remember the bleating hysterics who built bunkers to escape the horrifying terror of Y2K? They ran around like stampeded sheep trying to escape the terrifying beast no one except eighty year old computer programmers understood?

Setting aside the possibility that many of them may still be locked down underneath the earth waiting for the gays and Atheists to die off, and looking away guiltily if someone asks if you really did nail their bunker doors shut to make sure they never escaped, those packages of freeze-dried barely edible crap and barrels of by now fecund drinking water are probably close to running out.

When they emerge like pale, petrified moles with foot long nails and matted beards, there's a good chance they're going to be more than a bit pissed off that the world didn't end and they lived in a dank hole for over a decade for nothing. That means everyone who accumulated mass bucks selling them faux food and barrels of tap water will not be getting repeat customers.

That's where the rapture crazies come in. Think about it. There's a whole new market waiting to be exploited. Imagine the possibilities! Personal submarines to escape the apocalyptic floods, asbestos tubes to protect them from the hellfire on earth, and all kinds of businesses to take care of pets, exchanging current spouses in favor of newer models more suitable for breeding and populating the afterlife. And liquidating all those burdensome homes, cars, boats, RVs, and collectible plates with eagles and the statue of liberty engraved in gold flake. The potential income is limited only by your ethics and sense of morality. Use their current preachers/churches as models and those things won't get in your way because they've demonstrated how useless they truly are in such a consumer-driven earth home.

But of course, as in all money making endeavors, there's the bottom feeders. For you who are always waiting for the moment to "invest" in someone else's fear, insecurities, and desire for vengeance, there is this video to educate you on the basics.

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